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I would like to tell you why I was not able to breast feed, and why I will have to have a c-section if I decide to have more kids. We live in a society where people feel trampled and looked down upon for having a c-section and not breast feeding. And heaven forbid you don’t use cloth diapers to diaper your child. I am sick of people feeling bad for getting an epidural, needing a c-section, or not being able to breast feed because of circumstances out of their control. People need to learn why some people aren’t able to do these things before making people feel bad, bad about the situation and bad about themselves.
I know there are people out there who may be lazy and not want to breast feed or do natural childbirth or whatever, but you should always find out someone’s reason before assuming the worst. And even if they decided not to do these things for no good reason, who cares? Is it your business to know and make them feel bad? Let them live their life and you live yours. You cannot Change everyone. Why should I have to feel bad when I know I have good reasons for what I did. Or that I know I made the best decision for my situation or for my family. You don’t have to do these things to love your baby or to be a good mom.
Why I was not able to Breast Feed
After I had Adam, I tore so badly that it took several hours for them to stitch me up. They told me they needed to give me some meds, because I was just too uptight and my doctor wanted to do her job properly. They told me the meds would put me to sleep, and I would not be able to breast feed. I was pretty upset. So when they gave me the meds I decided I would do what I could to stay awake so I could feed my baby. And although I was a bit out of it, I was able to stay awake and they did let me try and breast feed Adam.
Adam was a hard baby to feed from the beginning. He did not want to take to me, and we tried with a shield and he still would not. That night I was pretty out of it so they decided to let me try again in the morning, I was not able to keep in him in with me because of how tired I was. I had been in labor for 24 hours and had no sleep as well. That combined with the meds, they said there was really no way I would be able to care for the baby that night. The next day Adam still would not eat. He did not want to latch on and did not really want to eat at all. At that point, they said he would have to have a little bit of formula if he did not eat soon. I saw the lactation consultant and she spent much time with me trying to get Adam to latch on, but we both just had a hard time with it. Adam later had to be fed with preemie bottles so that he would get nourishment, and in between I would keep trying to get him to latch on.
It also would hurt incredibly bad when he tried to feed. I was crying almost every time, and almost scared for the next feeding time because of how bad it hurt. So many people told me that was supposed to be normal so I just tried to get through it. Meanwhile I found out about how bad my tare was and that it was fourth degree, and I was put on a bunch of meds. The lactation consultant had showed me how to pump and so I had been pumping to keep my milk up and trying to get Adam to latch on the other times.
Several days later I developed a terrible rash that over the course of three weeks spread all over my body. I saw several different doctors and was given tons of prescriptions none of which helped. I was given steroids, steroid shots, steroid creams, anti-itch creams, anti-itch pills, and more. Here is a picture of a bunch of the prescriptions I was given. This is not even all of them. Over the past three months I have been on probably about 50 different medications.
I kept thinking the rash would go away so I was pumping my milk to keep my supply up and throwing it away since he could not drink it, hoping that I could soon get back to trying to work with Adam to latch on. As the rash got worse, and the weeks went by, I slowly started cutting back on the pumping. As I did, I noticed that my rash seemed to get better. I completely stopped, and it my rash went away.
Between the rash and all the meds I was on, I was not able to breast feed, and I will not be trying again. I do not know why I developed a rash, or why it hurt so badly to try, but I know that Adam has done fine on the formula. When I hear people talking about breast feeding I feel so bad, that I was not able to do it. Sometimes I feel like a bad mom. I know I had good reasons, but everyone makes it out to be such a bad thing to use formula. During this trying time, I was shocked to learn that both my mother and my mother-in-law did not breast feed. I am not really sure why they did not, but I turned out fine and so did my husband. It goes to show that just because you did not breast feed does not mean you are a bad parent.
Why I Will Have a C-Section For my Next Birth
I will not re-tell the whole story again,but as you know I had a fourth degree tare with Adam’s birth. I tore so bad it took two hours to stitch me and I was on bed rest to heal for several weeks. Although I healed well, they said I would not be able to have a vaginal birth again.
Now, I know that some of you would say that is just the doctor’s opinion and to get a second opinion, but I do not agree. I do not ever want to go through what I went through again. Until you have torn the way I did and experienced the pain, and the recovery time, you will not understand. I am very lucky that I healed well, and I do not want to try and press my luck again.
I know doctors nowadays try to press a lot of women to get c-sections when they don’t have to, but isn’t that the woman’s decision? Just like you can choose to have a natural birth, or to get an epidural, they can choose to have a c-section. There is no need to look down on those people if that is what they have to get or choose to do.
These topics are something I feel very strongly about. I wrote this post because I don’t want others to feel beat up or bad for making the decisions they had to make. This post was not written because of any one thing that was said to me, but more because of what I have heard and seen around. I appreciate any opinion you may have and respect it, and ask you to do the same for me.