On Believing God is Good
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“Perhaps one reason we may feel stuck, unable to leap by faith in our relationship with God is because we have yet to be convinced that He is really, truly good. Because of this, the relationship can become stagnant.
It’s not because God has changed, but because the things we believe are holding us back. We must sift through these fears and unbeliefs so that the fearful truth we are living can become His Truth that sets us free.” – Ashlie Writes
Recently, I read this quote in an incredible post that I could have written myself. It describes word for word how I have been feeling. I knew it was how I felt, yet, I was unable to put these feelings into words and understand them fully myself.
Comparison of Others
Recently, in a counseling session with my amazing Christian counselor, we came to the conclusion that maybe I am basing my value and my worth on how good I think my faith is.
When I compare my faith to others, I think I am not good enough. I believe I am not spiritual enough or not doing “the Christian life” well enough.
Like many others, I compare my life to the highlight reel of others. I compare myself to the Facebook statuses I see on my newsfeed, the things I hear from people at church on Sunday, and more.
I need to remember those things are just the highlights, they are not the real, deep down insides of what God sees and knows. However, I continue to compare my life and think I am just not good enough.
My Background
These thought processes tend to come from my background. It comes from the belief that I was never good enough for my earthly father, who was emotionally and verbally abusive and controlling.
My parents divorced when I was 15, but by then the damage was already done. Nothing I did was ever good enough for my father. Therefore, the belief of never being good enough is something I unconsciously believe of God.
Isn’t that what Christ came and died for? So we can have Salvation? Grace? Faith? Yes, and I know that, but helping myself realize this each and every day is hard.
I tell myself, that God forgives me. He is not holding these things over my head. He is not angry at me, and He truly loves me unconditionally. These are the thoughts I struggle with in spite of it all.
“Perhaps one reason we may feel stuck, unable to leap by faith in our relationship with God is because we have yet to be convinced that He is really, truly good.”
Because of my past, I struggle to believe that God is “really, truly good.” We hear that He is, good, but when I see the awful things in this world, it’s easy to wonder, God how can you allow this?
Questioning God
I question God over and over. I questioned him about my parent’s divorce, my miscarriage, my son’s autism, and his other special needs. And when I was done with all the questions, all I felt was more guilty.
How can I, this small human that God created, question the God of the universe and His plans? But I did.
“We must sift through these fears and unbeliefs so that the fearful truth we are living can become His Truth that sets us free.”
So I am learning to sift through these fears and unbeliefs, these untruths that are causing my relationship with God to become stagnant.
God is Good
I must overcome the belief that I will never be good enough. I must overcome the will to compare my life to others’ highlight reels. I must overcome my guilt and accept God’s unconditional love for me. I must see Him as good.
“I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living.” – Psalm 27:13
In conclusion, Ashlie says:
“Are we confident in Godâs goodness? Furthermore, are we confident in Godâs goodness toward us personally? Do we believe it will change based on our performance, how we feel, circumstances, trials, or whether or not we mess up?
Do we trust that He is good, all the time? Do we believe He will do the things He says He will do? Being convinced of His goodness is a necessary component in the journey to freedom. Without it, how will we find the trust to leap?”
If you struggle, may you find peace. May you find peace in the fact that God is good, and He is watching over us. Take a leap of faith today and believe it.
Kathryn, this is beautiful. I could relate so much to what you wrote. It can be hard to write about life’s challenges and, tougher yet, about our own doubts, but you did so beautifully. Thank you for sharing what was on your heart!
Thank you, I am glad I am not alone. It can be hard, I have had this post on my mind for awhile and I was finally able to get it out of my head and onto my blog. Thanks for the encouragement!