My Miscarriage Story
Note: I may earn money or products from the companies, products, or links mentioned in this post.
Recently, I have heard of several friends who have miscarried or have had several friend’s friends miscarry. Several asked my help in what to say to someone who has miscarried and how to help since I miscarried before my son, Adam was born. I went through my blog thinking I had posted about it before, and I posted that it had happened, but I never posted about what had happened and how I got through it. My hope is that in sharing this, someone else will be be encouraged and blessed.
My husband and I got married in December 2008. We moved to our new base in January 2009 and got settled in. After a few months of settling into married life I realized I wanted to try for a baby. At the time, I thought I wanted a large family and I wanted to start when I was young. I’ll be honest, my husband wasn’t ready to have a baby just yet, he definitely wanted children, but he wanted to wait a little while longer. I wasn’t exactly the model wife and I begged and pleaded. We talked about it for awhile and finally decided not to try, but not to prevent either – we were leaving it up to God.
In March or April, I was sick and thought I was pregnant. I went to the doctor and had blood taken and everything ended up being fine and there was no pregnancy. Every month after that I would be ready in anticipation to miss my period in hopes of being pregnant. I read up on pregnancy symptoms until I knew them inside and out and I would scour the internet reading stories of how women found out they were pregnant.
One weekend in July, I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and I was very dizzy. So dizzy that the room was spinning and when I got out of bed, I tripped and fell. The next morning we went to the med-stop because I was still so dizzy and I thought maybe I had an inner ear infection (I had had them before and they caused dizziness). In the back of my head I remembered something my mom had told me about how when she was pregnant with me she had a terrible bout of dizziness and was very sick for awhile.
I didn’t want to hope and be disappointed again, but I asked he doctor if it was possible I was pregnant? The doctor looked at me like I had five heads and asked why I would think that. I was embarrassed, but I said it was always a possibility right? The doctor sent me on my way with medicine for an inner ear infection and I was left wondering why he didn’t at least check into the possibility.
A couple days later, I was still having symptoms and not feeling well. I decided to do a home pregnancy test in the morning because I heard that was the best time to do it. It wasn’t my first time doing a home pregnancy test, and I was absolutely shocked and happy to see the plus sign come up. I knew that now that I had a positive home pregnancy test I needed to go to the base to get a pregnancy blood test as it was their policy before they referred me to an OB.
I waited for my husband to come home from lunch excitedly telling him about the positive test, but not willing to believe it all the way until I got the blood test results. We immediately went to the base clinic and got blood drawn and then came home to wait for the results. I walked through our apartment door feeling like I was floating on air and then I felt something. Something was wrong. I ran to the bathroom and realized I had started bleeding.
I was so upset. What did this mean? Was I not really pregnant? Or did something else happen? I immediately called a friend who had a family of five and who had been through several miscarriages. I knew she would know what to do. She advised me to wait on the blood test. She said sometimes a little blood was normal, or that maybe my home pregnancy test was wrong. The blood test would be the deciding factor.
We waited all day and never got the results back. The next day I was restless with worry. This wasn’t normal! Jon called the base and told them what was going on and they told us the results were back. The blood test came back positive – I was pregnant and needed to go to the emergency room right away since I was bleeding.
We spent most of the day in the emergency room, they took blood, gave me two ultrasounds and the end result was that it was too early to tell what exactly was going on. I was only four weeks pregnant and it was too early to see anything on the ultrasounds. The doctor left me with the diagnosis of a threatened miscarriage. That meant I could have lost the baby already, I still could lose the baby, or I may stop bleeding and go on to have a normal pregnancy. He put me on pelvic rest, and said I needed to take another blood test to see if my HCG levels were going up or down. That was the only way to tell what was happening.
We went home after that and my in-laws drove down to see how we were doing. I was in a lot of pain which I didn’t really realize at the time, but I was losing the baby. I wanted to cling onto the hope that maybe it would be ok, that I would go on to carry this baby, but it was hard. The next day we went to the base to get another blood test. We explained to them what was going on and asked if there was any way they could rush the results so we would know one way or another.
It wasn’t until two weeks later that we finally were able to find out what was going on. The base had messed up and we somehow never got the blood test results back. We went somewhere else and I remember the afternoon my doctor called to tell me the results. I had lost the baby. I remember she said something about trying again and that it would be ok, and I mumbled a goodbye before I ran to our room where my husband was resting.
I cried and cried. I laid in bed most of the day and then got up to to take a shower. I know it’s strange, but the shower is where I go whenever I am really upset. It somehow makes me feel better and is a good place to pray and be alone. I remember sitting there in the tub letting the water water wash over me, crying and wondering why this had happened. What did I do? Why did God allow this?
It was then that I remembered a verse from the Bible: “…the Lord gave and the lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21). I realized that God had given me this baby, He could also choose to take it home to be with Him if that was His will. I had a sudden peace at the thought. My baby was home with Him and would be taken care of. Job still praised the Lord in the midst of his trials and I could too. I knew that someday I would eventually see the reason for all of this.
After I posted the blog post letting people know what had happened, I received a comment that I have since never forgotten:
I’m very sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how hard it must be and how confused you are. I love this quote and I hope it isn’t too bold of me to put it in this comment, or that it doesn’t make you feel worse. My sister-in-law has it up in their house after a very similar experience and it has been a comfort to her.
‘In some circles, babies born to families after the loss of a child are referred to as “Rainbow Babies.” The idea is that the baby is like a rainbow after a storm. “Rainbow Babies” is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn’t mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.‘
I know one day God will bless you with a Rainbow Baby and you will be an amazing mother. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
My son, Adam is my Rainbow Baby. I didn’t know it at the time, but I would never have had the blessing of getting to know my sweet son if I had not miscarried. Adam simply would not have existed. I realize now that I am blessed beyond measure and that God does have his reasons for the trials we go through.
If you are going through something similar I encourage you to cry out to God. Ask Him to show you what you can learn from this, I know that He will show you His peace and He will help you during your time of grief.
Because I want to help, here are a few tips I have for getting through after a miscarriage. These are a few things that helped me heal, and I hope they help you too!
1. It’s Ok to be Alone.
After I got the news, I wanted nothing more than to be alone. Alone with my husband and also by myself. I shut off my phone (not just the ringer, I shut it off) for several days, and I took time to think and to work through what I was feeling. It’s ok, people can wait, you need this time to get through this and to rest.
2. If Possible, Get Away.
A few days after we got the news, we decided to get away and we went to stay at my in-law’s house who only lived a couple hours away at the time. I know this is not possible for everyone, but my husband was able to get leave and we just packed up and left. My in-law’s lived out in the country where it was quiet and it was very nice to be around family. We spent a week, just resting and healing and it helped us to move on before we had to get back into the swing of things again.
3. Take Time to Grieve.
It’s ok to cry and to be angry. Cry with your husband, talk about it with him, do whatever you need to grieve and to find hope. If needed, see a counselor to help work through your feelings.
4. Prepare.
After you have grieved, take time to prepare with your husband for what you want to tell others. Prepare yourself for the questions, and for the comments that might not be what you want to hear. Sometimes people have trouble knowing what to say in these times, and helps if you prepare yourself knowing that they just want to help you.
5. Discuss
When you are ready, discuss with your doctor and your husband when you would like to try for another baby. Whether you want to wait a long time or you want to keep trying right away, make sure that you are ready and have discussed what your husband wants as well. We discussed it together and decided to wait a month or two to try again. I had also heard that women are more fertile after a miscarriage for the next several months so we decided to try again soon enough so we could try to catch that window and possibly get pregnancy again. It worked, because I found out I was was pregnant with Adam only three months later.
Two websites for miscarriage jewelry in remembrance of your little one(s):
your story and mine are almost identical although it only took the weekend (not 2 weeks) to get the bloodwork results (that’s just so messed up!). I went through so many hard emotions. This is my story: http://www.stillbirthday.com/2011/07/28/4-weeks-my-story/
Wow that was a beautiful story, thanks so much for sharing! We always seem to have so much in common! 🙂 Yeah the two weeks thing was crazy there was more to that story – (major base clinic issues) but I decided not to focus on that since that’s not what the story was about. I agree there are so many hard emotions.
I remember when you miscarried but I never really knew anything else about it. I think I started reading your blog around that time. I can’t imagine. Sean and I have been trying for #2 for almost 3 years and we’ve talked before that we think it would be harder to get pregnant and lose the baby than not get pregnant at all. One thing that I realized going through secondary infertility (because of this I talk to a lot of women who DO have miscarriages) is how common a miscarriage is. One of my friends said she thought she was the only one around her circle who had a miscarriage but after hers, a bunch of people with lots of kids comforted her with their own stories… lots of people she never knew had miscarried. I’m glad you posted this because there are a lot of women who will need to read it.
Side note: Adam was so tiny!!
when I miscarried they told me that 1 in 3 first-time pregnancies end in miscarriage. It’s a sobering statistic.
I think at the time I wasn’t ready to share everything, but now that it’s been several years I feel that I was definitely ready to talk about it and what had happened. I agree, I never knew how common it was either until everyone started telling me their stories after I announced what happened. I was so shocked as all the messages rolled in and I couldn’t believe it had happened to so many! I’m sorry you guys are still struggling with infertility, I pray for that issue often for you guys and hope that God hears your prayers and answers them soon.
I know he was only 6 lbs when he was born! He fit into preemie clothes very nicely the first few weeks! 🙂
glad you shared this <3 It's so well written, and delicately told, I think it could be an encouragement to other mamas who have gone through similar things.
I've never experienced a miscarriage, but a few of my friends have. I can't imagine how hard it must be. hugs and love <3
Thanks Paula! I hope it helps someone for sure.
Hi I’m over from the SITS Saturday Sharefest. This is the first time I’m participating. I think it is great that you have shared your experience and how you got through it. Hopefully others who have or are experiencing the same/similar thing will find it a comfort or help. Sadly I can’t have children myself but I can’t imagine how it must feel having the joy of finding your pregnant then to go through the trauma of a miscarriage. But that’s a lovely comment that was left on your previous post what a lovely thing for someone to do.
nice to meet you
Kate
Hi Kate,
Thanks for stopping by! I am sorry you are not able to have children, It makes me realize we all have our trials in life. 🙁 I hope that this is a comfort and hope to others. It’s definitely been a learning experience for me! Thanks again for commenting, have a wonderful day!
I forgot to say. I know what you mean about having a shower when I’m upset I do the same thing. It’s a time when you can be all alone to reflect about things.
🙂
Haha I am glad it’s not just me! The shower is the best place to think, cry, and be alone. I even have come up with some great blog post ideas in there too! 😉
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It was stories like this one that were so helpful after my miscarriages.
Thank you for stopping by.
Hi there, I’m coming via The Better Mom link-up.
This is such a great post on such a harrowing experience. I too, have miscarried, twice. Once in Dec 2011 and again in April 2012. The pain, hurt, sorrow and grief I went through as well as the questions I asked of God and battled with myself you have aptly described. The process of being alone, just with my husband etc were exactly the same. I struggled though, to talk about it with people for a little while, though now I am very open about it. It surprised me when I spoke to church friends older than me how many of them had had miscarriages, for some reason, it’s not something we talk openly about.
I loved the quote. By God’s great mercy and generosity, my husband and I are expecting our first Rainbow Baby 🙂 We are due the 9th March and have been overwhelmed by His love for this little one, he/she (we don’t know!) is so big and healthy. And I too, have realised that this little person within me would not have existed if God had not brought my other two little ones Home to be with Him. His wisdom is perfect.
Bless you, sister!
Hi Sarah,
Thank you so much for visiting and commenting! I am so sorry for your loss and I pray God has given you peace during these times. It’s definitely hard to be open about it at first, but like you said I was so surprised at how many people told me that had also miscarriages when I came forward with my story.
So happy that you are going to be meeting your little one soon! Congrats and many blessings! 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Our mutual friend Paula Rollo referred me to this post. I suffered a miscarriage three weeks ago after battling infertility for 4 years. Our hearts are broken and our world is shaken. This post is really encouraging. My husband and I are going on an extended vacation next month. 2+ weeks away from home. I’m so ready.
What a great way to tell your story..I relate wholeheartedly. I am a week out from a D&C that I had to undergo after a missed miscarriage at 11wks. I know that the Lord wanted my baby in Heaven with him. I feel very sad and not ok at moments and at other moments, I seem to be ok. It’s weird. My husband and I are calling this loss only a delay. We know we are meant to be parents and it will happen…this baby was just not meant for Earth. I am still expereinceing some bleeding and am due to my 2 weeks follow up next week where I am hoping to hear that everything is good for us to TTC here in 2 months or so. We were so excited about this child, as we had been trying to conceive for months, but there is a greater plan. This I do know, it just hurts…atleast I have stories like this to read and try to cope with it in my own way.
I’m currently going through that……I miscarried on Saturday, but still have my baby’s remains inside me because I have two uteruses and the mouth of the womb where they must operate is closed….so they told me that eventually the baby will come out on its own and it’s so painful! Thanx for sharing!
I’m so so sorry for your loss.
Thanx but I guess I’ll be fine as soon as the remains r out of my system!
Well you may feel fine physically, but the experience of losing a baby has always remained with me. I still remember every July, even though it’s been 4 years. Prayers and God bless!
This was EXACTLY what I needed to hear/read.. I founf out I was pregnant 10/24/13 and began bleeding the next day… but unfortunately I stayed in limbo returning for multiple blood tests and sonograms for 3 weeks.. the longest of my life, before my worst fears were confirmed and my diagnosis changed from “threatened miscarriage” to “missed miscarriage”. I have since been struggling with the rollercoaster of emotions and desperately wanting to ttc again but not wanting to “forget” or “replace” my precious angel that I will never be able to hold in my arms. Thank you for helping me see that one day if the Lord blesses us with our “rainbow baby” that he/she will not be an attempt at a “replacement” but as a joyous reminder of the precious life that was so special God wanted to keep it for Himself!
On sep. 20th I found out I was gonna be a mommy. And I made an appoint for oct, 16th to get to see my little bit for the first time, I was so happy and nervous at the same time, I was scared to tell my mom , all my emotions were going crazy, little did I know that at my appointment on the 16th they’d be doing a d&c because my baby had no heartbeat, this left me heartbroken and still to this day I am grieving over my loss, I am a mommy to a angel baby, I know god knows what he’s doing and I understand but part if my heart is dead and gone with my baby, and one day when I enter in heavens gates I will meet my little baby, and I’m so excited because I know my little miracle is perfect, I just wish I could held you baby I would give everything in this world to heard you say mommy , it’s not fair but god has plans for me, as I wipe my tear filled eyes and act like everything’s okay I know your lookin down on me and sayin I love you mommy. I love you baby 🙂
Thank you for taking the time to post up ur story. I suffered a miscarriage and I was told yesterday. I will be having a d+c tomorrow. I’m scared, I’m sad.. Confused but also hopeful that God will grant the wishes of my heart and that the same way he answered my prayer and blessed me with an amazing husband, that He will too give me a child (or more)
Yesterday on my way to the doctor’s office I saw a rainbow and took a picture because I know in the bible if means “covenant” and I thought.. Just how amazing God is that can create a beautiful thing in such a yucky day.. After reading your post, I realized God spoke to me through that rainbow and that just like you I will soon.. Be holding my rainbow baby.
God bless you and my prayer is that He keeps using you.