5 Things I Learned During my Husband’s First Deployment

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After my husband’s first deployment, I realized how much I had learned. Sure, it was only seven months, but it was a long seven months. I had grown up so much, become more independent, and grew more into who I was supposed to be. Did deployment change me? Absolutely! But it changed me in ways I never imagined.

Here are just a few things I learned during deployment and what I believe other military spouses can learn from as well if they choose to look for ways to grow.

What I Learned During Deployment

1. I’m Stronger Than I Think I am.
No military spouse is ever ready for deployment. From what I hear from other wives none of us really feel that we are strong enough to go through a deployment. But at the end when we look back, we are shocked at how much we came through and how strong we really are.

That is how it’s been with me. I look back and I think, “Wow, how did I do that?” The answer? I did it with God’s help, and also by taking it one day at a time. There were a lot of days that I look back on when I felt I couldn’t go on, but I didn’t have a choice in the matter so I kept on going. Those are the days that I believe make a person stronger. When you realize you don’t have a choice but to keep on going and so you do. And when you finally look back you realize how strong you really were, and how much of a stronger person you are now.

2. I learned that trusting God is my only option.
It’s sad that it had to come down to a deployment to make me realize this. So many times I try to do things on my own and I don’t think about trusting God or having faith in Him to do what He needs to do. I wrote about trust the beginning of this year on my blog: My 2012 Word: Trust. I had picked the word “trust” as something to work on throughout this year. It’s funny because when you actively ask God to help you learn how to trust, then He is definitely going to put things in your life to help you learn how to trust, and those things aren’t always going to be what we think they are!

It was those times when I was at the end of my rope, when I felt like there just had to be something else I could do, that was when I heard that soft and still quiet voice that said, “Just trust.” And that is what I learned: that at the end of it all and even at the beginning, our only option is to trust. Because if we don’t trust Him for the little things, then how can we trust Him for the big things in our lives?

3. I learned that letting others help me is necessary and that’s ok.
If there is one thing I hear from military wives most, it’s that they are afraid to let others help them during deployment. Either they are too proud to ask or they don’t want others to think they are not strong enough to make it through the deployment on their own. For me it was a little of both.

If you followed any of the events that happened to our family during this past deployment over the span of 6 and half months, you would know that it was pretty much impossible for me to get through a lot of it without asking for at least a little help. And that’s ok. It’s ok to ask for help. In fact I encourage you to do so if you are going through a deployment. Don’t be afraid! A lot of military spouses see each other as family,  and wouldn’t you want to ask your family for help if you needed it? It took a wonderful woman at the beginning of this deployment forcing me to let her in and let her help, to get me to see this, but I am so glad I did.

4. I learned that deployment can be a time for personal growth.
I feel like during this deployment I learned so much about myself. I feel like I grew as a person. I learned more about who I am, what I want, and a little about what makes me tick. If you are currently going through a deployment, use this time to better yourself and to learn about yourself. See what things in your life you can work on improving before your spouse gets home. It will be amazing to see the results at the end of the deployment!

5. I learned that deployment can make your marriage stronger.
At the beginning of this deployment I was absolutely terrified of what this might to do our marriage. Would we change? Would our marriage change? Would we even know each other at the end of all this? Sure deployment is scary, and I think every deployment is different when it comes to your marriage. It depends on what place you are at in your marriage when the deployment takes place. It also depends on what you make it. Are you going to be an understanding wife? Are you going to pray your way through? Are you going to have a positive outlook even when you both may not feel like it or when you are both having a bad day? Sure there will be times you are going to argue, or be short with one another, but I found that more than that is that we were able to communicate our needs b


We didn’t have any real face-to-face conversations. We emailed. And when you email, you have a response time in-between. It gives each of you time to think through a response, it also give you a chance to write down your thoughts and feelings without getting interrupted. At times I felt the communication was slow and that can be frustrating. But there were so many other times when I was able to really communicate how I felt about something through email which gave him time to think about it and then give me a response instead of us interrupting each other or arguing about it. Deployment CAN make a marriage stronger you just have to find a way to do it. Don’t let it get you down, find ways to encourage and strengthen each other.


Well this deployment is over. Praise God I made it through by His grace!

What are some things you have learned during past deployments or maybe during the current deployment that you are in?

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  1. I have learned two things over time with all my husband’s away time (and say that because we haven’t had to a year long deployment like so many other spouses)…. 1. I am so much stronger and can endure more than I ever believed I could and 2. I really enjoy my alone time. I miss him like crazy but I like being able to do things my way without consulting anyone. Reminds of days long gone when I only had to worry about me. With that said… I would trade those feelings to have my husband home everyday but that isn’t my life and so I enjoy that feeling :).

    1. I agree. That is one thing I was surprised with after he came home, that I kind of missed my “me” time. But like you said having him home is so much better anyways that it doesn’t matter! 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

  2. Hello Kathryn,

    thank you for sharing your experience! I am not married, but I am madly in love with a soldier. The deployment hit us just four weeks after we got together. It was a seven months deployment which was very hard and with very little contact. But we got through it. When he came home, I thought it was perfect. But then he left for his leave, and he stopped communicating. We kinda broke, due to all the stress, but now got back together. It’s harder than ever, he’s very busy at work and doesn’t communicate during the day at all. I hope we will get through it, it’s all a bit much, plus me trying to adjust to all the things of military life… I am very inspired by the way you deal with the away-time of your husband and I truly wish I could enjoy my time alone. Thank you for sharing this. V x

    1. Hi Vanessa,
      Thank you so much for commenting for sharing your experience so far! May I ask why he does not communicate with you during the day? Is he just too busy? I know my husband is able to text occasionally while he is at work. Military life is hard, it’s not for everyone, but if you can work through it than you will be a strong couple. My husband’s deployment was one of the hardest thing I ever had to go through, it’s not easy, but sometimes we just have to make the best of it. I hope things work out for you. Please let me know if you ever any questions or concerns about military life. I would be glad to help! 🙂

  3. Hello Kathryn,
    thank you for getting back to me so fast! I’m not sure, I think he is too busy, but it’s hard to deal with like a good morning text and then nothing at all anymore. It kinda feels he’s an illusion during the week, I want to speak about so many things but I can’t. This deployment was hard, but what follows is very close to it. I have to say, I hate this life so far. Truly. But I would also try everything for him and for us to work. I have a lot of concerns about this life. To be honest, it scares me. A lot. I have no one around who understands it all. I don’t really know how to deal with it all now, it’s a bit much. Thanks a lot, it means so much to me. V x

  4. Hi,
    I’ve just been reading a few of your posts and they are making me feel a bit better about my husband’s deployment. He left for afganistan a couple of days ago and I’ve been finding it really hard. You’ve written a lovely blog, so thank you. It helps knowing that others understand. xx

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