Dear Deployment: Sincerely Rebekah
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I must admit, when we first became acquainted we were not friends. Even when I heard your name fall from my husband’s lips, I felt a sense of impending doom. How would I live a year without him? How could I continue on with “life as normal” when life wasn’t normal? I cried an awful lot – both for the reality that was before me and because I could almost hear the clock ticking down our last moments together.
However, I must admit that somewhere in the past year, my view of you has changed. I can’t pinpoint the time or a specific event – I just know that there were moments where I thought, “This isn’t so bad” – not because life was easy, but because somehow I’d gotten into the rhythm of a new normal.
You’ve taught me that a new normal – different from anything I’d ever done – was necessary to survive this year.
You’ve taught me that being vulnerable and weak is okay.
You’ve taught me that sometimes I need to let people help me, not because I always need help, but because it allows them to be a part of this journey with me.
You’ve taught me just how weak I am. There have been many nights that I’ve just plain ole’ cried and wondered how in the world I’m going to keep going. I’ve felt overwhelmed, exhausted, and so done with deployment. I’ve felt like I’m failing at every single thing I’m trying. But in my weakness, I have learned of His strength. I’ve learned that HE is my Rock and the One that I can count on when I’m too weak or tired or overwhelmed to keep going. I’ve learned that life is more about keeping my eyes on HIM than about me checking things off my to do list.
You’ve taught me how precious it is sometimes to just sit and enjoy the company of my daughter.
You’ve brought some wonderful people into my life – fellow military wives going through deployment, local military (and former military) wives who I’ve been able to spend time with, and other people who just take the time to ask “How are you?”
You’ve taught me that my joy doesn’t come from my circumstances or from a feeling inside – it comes from resting in the One who gave me breath.
Deployment, I’ll admit we’ve had our moments where you have not been my favorite. But you have helped me grow so much, and for that I will always be grateful.
I’m Rebekah, an Army wife born and raised in Australia. My husband Caleb has been in the Army National Guard for 7 years in Feb and it has been a crazy ride as we’ve lived in Missouri, Alabama, Kansas, Georgia, and then Missouri again in those years.
We just went through our first deployment March 2013 – Feb 2014. In many ways I felt for the first time that I was a “real” Army wife, like deployment was some kind of initiation process for me. God taught me so much in those months and I am so grateful!
Such a great reminder as we are about to embark on deployment #4. Thank you for your words!