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Today’s letter is from a Sarah, a soon-to-be Army wife. Sarah is wondering if she is cut out for military life and all of its hardships and ups and downs. Military life is hard, but no matter who you are and where you are right now, I hope this encourages you.
I’m so thankful I ran across your blog. I’m being faced with the decision of whether or not I can be an Army wife. I’m terrified of making the wrong decision, whichever decision that may be.
A little about myself: I am warm, caring, planner, nurturer, overly loving, etc. My significant other is currently an Army Jag intern in Hawaii, but has become very cold, calculated, and somewhat difficult to deal with. We have been discussing marriage a lot more, and his priorities are the following: career (military or not), kids, and then me. Is this a structure that can work in the military? Is this common?
Again, thank you for your blog. It is helping me more than you know!
Is the Army Wife Life for me?
Thank you for contacting me, I am glad you are enjoying my blog! Being a military wife is hard and something every future military wife has to work out for herself, I think. I know it took me time to think about if I was really ready for the type of commitment where the military always comes first.
As far as your partner’s behavior, it sounds concerning. Why would he all of a sudden be acting that way? Has he been on a recent deployment? Has he experienced something recently that would cause him to change or act in this way? I would deal with that before thinking about marriage.
As far as your future husband’s priorities, I do not agree with them. Yes, the military sometimes does have to come first in cases of deployment, long work hours, and training, but it doesn’t always have to be that way. A husband can still prioritize his family while still keeping his commitment to the military. Also, I believe that your spouse ALWAYS comes first before the kids. When you put each other first everything else with the kids falls into place. Your marriage relationship is important and if he is not willing to put that first then I would be careful.
I personally believe that your spouse and your marriage ALWAYS comes first before the kids. When you put each other first you will see a better marriage and everything else with the kids will fall into place. Your marriage relationship is important and if he is not willing to put that first then I would be very very careful about marrying him.
I hope that you both will get more time to talk about these things in detail. Talking about your expectations and his and getting to know these things before marriage is going to help you a lot. Good luck!
See Also: How do I Prepare to be a Military Wife?
What advice would you give to Sarah? Have you ever felt this way?