Deployment: Will I be Prepared?
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Deployment is a huge part of military life. I have been blessed these two past years to not have had to give up my husband to deployment. Because of that though, we know it will be only a matter of time before he does deploy, most likely within the next year. I knew it was inevitable, I just didn’t know when it would happen. These two past years, I have spent preparing myself, knowing that any day he could come home and tell me he is leaving soon.
I have been thinking about it a lot lately because not only will it affect me, but now that we have a baby it will affect him as well. So many questions come to mind when I think of deployment… Will I be able to survive alone? Will I be able to do a good job taking care of my son by myself? How will I get survive not being able to see my husband’s face for six months?
I know military wives do this every day, but this will be the first time for me, and I am not so sure how it will go. I have never been out on my own before, and I know I can do it, it’s just not something I am looking forward to. Six months is a long time to be apart from someone, and I know people deploy for much longer than that, but how do you deal with missing those 6 months out of each other’s life? I feel like I will miss so much, and so will he.
So I am asking the question again, how do you prepare? How do prepare to be away from the person you love? How do you prepare to be both the Mommy and the Daddy while he is gone? How do you prepare to be alone and to do everything yourself? I don’t think anything can prepare you for these things. I think you just have to take them as they come and deal with it day by day. Will it be easy? No. But do I have a choice? Not at all.
Talk about it alot, set boundaries, set goals once you find out details. Be prepared that no news is good news, start to take over all the housework and stuff prior to when he leaves. Have an "emergency" kit of all your important documents, flash lights, etc. Make sure you know where all the manuals are, and just talk and pray to one another. There is no real way for you to prepare for how you will feel but take videos, pictures, write down stuff you want them to know. A cute idea for your son is to make a paper chain and everyday put something that your son did on the link so when he returns he will have 180 days of memories you two can go through together, that way you don't forget anything. It doesn't have to just be your son but pick one thing to remember from that day to share with him.
It's hard but you will realize how strong you are once it happens
Awww hunny, I remember my first deployment … Ains was 6 months old and I am not going to lie it was the HARDEST thing I think I have ever had to do!
The first two weeks are SO hard, I think I did nothing but cry. I couldn't even stay at our house. But eventually I know I had to pick myself up and be strong not only for myself but for Ainsley.
What helped me was getting into a routine. Every day I got up, fed Ains (and myself), cleaned the kitchen & by that time Dan would call. Then it was on to getting out of the house or doing chorse. Then around 4pm I would get on Skype and have our nightly "webcam date" with Dan. Then it was dinner, bath & finally bed time. Then the next day it would start all over …
You kind of get numb to then being gone after a while, but the Airman Family Readiness Center was also a HUGE help. I got invloved in a group that was a bunch of military wives that were going though or had gone though a deployment. It helped to get together and talk about what we were going through and seeing that it was normal to feel the way we felt!
One of the things the AFRC showed me was the 7 Stages of Emotion durring deployment: http://deploymenthealthlibrary.fhp.osd.mil/products/Emotional%20Cycles%20of%20Deployment%20(241).pdf
Every deployment is different, and it never really gets easier, but it's part of the lifestyle and we have to be strong for ourselves, our kids and for our loved one that is deployed 🙂 You will get your routine down and time will start to FLY by 🙂
Deployment never gets easier and you will have some days that are better than others but one thing I will say is a baby keeps you extremely busy and my second half of the deployment is going much faster than the first when I didnt have Maddie
Emotionally, there really isn't anything you can do to prepare. Either way, the range of emotions will run its' course. Also, to prepare to be apart is just going to be torture. You really can't condition yourself to be separated, especially before a deployment when all you want to do is be together. All I can suggest is to take notice between now and when he leaves. All of the household chores and tasks that you'd normally ask him to do, do them yourself. Or at least observe what he is doing so that when comes the day that you need to do them, you're ready.
And the best advice- plan to stay REALLY busy.
There is nothing you can do to prepare emotionally. But know the first month is the hardest after that you will have it down. Skype, phone calls and e-mails help a ton. Its hard not going to lie. But if God brings you to it he will bring you through it.
Also make sure everything is done that can be done. But mowing the lawn, getting the oil change type things are easy. And you live on base so wont have to worry about fixing things in the house 🙂
Also visiting family helps a lot
-bri
I just sent my hubby off for 8 months of basic training (it's not war, but he's still gone!). I seriously think that the anticipation of him leaving is additional torture!!! We did a lot of neat things for our son to remember Daddy (he's almost two)– a book from shutterfly, Daddy doll, home videos, etc. I think it's kind of something you can't really prepare for and then it's something that you have to figure out individually. I mean, I think each military wife does things differently. The ONE thing that keeps me going is my support group. I have had to ask for help and it's humbling, but they want to be able to help and quite truthfully, I needed it. Thinking about you!
I don't know that there really is a good way to prepare for a deployment. One way that made it easier on Curtis and myself was while we were dating we spent a lot of time apart since I was in college up in MN and he was joining the military, then stationed here.
I think the best way to deal is to take it day by day. I've generally been blessed in that I usually get to talk to Curtis nearly every single day he's gone. However, on this past TDY he went on, he left and I didn't hear from him for over two days and that was hard (being the first time that happened). So, you definitely count your blessings when it comes to talking or skyping with your husband.
As far as being Mommy and Daddy goes, I haven't experienced that yet. But, I feel like I've had to grow up on my own and become independent and everything that I can take on the role of Daddy when the time comes. I've only got a few months left before I will get to experience a deployment with a baby. We'll see how it goes…
I'm sure you will find the strength to endure such a situation when the time comes for you as well. Just lean on God and pray that He continue to keep Jon, Adam and yourself safe throughout the entire deployment.
Having someone you can call in the middle of the night when you just miss him so much is always a plus, too. Just having someone to listen when you have a minor set-back. For me this was my Momma and I'm the one she can always call when my Daddy is deployed, TDY, etc.
I can't say there is a way to prepare the hubs and i were lucky to only have gone thru one together and it was before marriage and kids but it was one of the hardest things i went thru along with the best thing we could ahve gone thru to make us grow and know we wanted to be with one another. The good things about deployment(even tho most will tell u the bad outweighs it because ud rather have ur love with u) are the emails you get of ur love pouring his heart out, the rush when you get a call, the care packages you get to send, the packages or gifts they bring back home, and the best the homecoming makes it all worth it.
Deep breath in for me, and here come the tears because I am (barely) surviving my first week of our very first deployment. There is truly no way to prepare yourself emotionally. I had 8 months notice that this was coming and I was in no way, shape or form prepared in any sense the day it showed up at my door. I think I do ok knowing that I'm alone, but when I think that it's going to be for an entire year is when I want to throw up.. You just have to keep yourself busy or your mind will go there. I pray A LOT. Like, every second of the day.. And I just rely on the comfort of knowing that God is holding us right in his hands and we are going to have an awesome testimony when all is said and done… Yeah, I can do this… 🙂
This is a very tough thing, especially once you have a baby. I can completely understand the feeling of dread just thinking about what the word deployment means. Its hard on you both, because you will be both parents in one to your child, but he also will be missing so much, especially when the child is so very young. A week before my daughter's 1st birthday, with only a week and half notice beforehand (and we were on shore duty, so I kept thinking this shouldn't be happening) my husband got sent on a 6+ month IA to Cuba! Being across the country from all my family, and though we had a church we had been attending for almost 2 years, no one had stood out and clicked with me, so I hadn't grown any really close friends who I felt I could call upon regularly, I packed up our apartment, a friend with privileges on a certain airlines flew out to me and we drove together back to my home with a small trailer and the rest in storage. It was what was best for me and God allowed me to go by lining up the timing of a lot of factors perfectly. I would say it was much more bearable being home! But I too am preparing for another deployment, actually only our 2nd extended one (other then a few weeks here or there for different things). It will only be 3 months, but now I have 2 children and live across the globe from my family!! No running home this time around. But I am looking forward to it. I have grown so much more and truly come to realize in my walk with God that He would never give me more then I can handle. We also have very wonderful close friends here who I know will be there to support me and help out of I need something or just need a night off!
Just continue to rely on God and remember He knows how much you can handle and would never give you more then that. And something I also have to remind myself about a lot- Worrying is sin, God doesn't want us too because we should be relying on Him and we should know He will provide, He will take care of us and He is in control. Whats the point of worrying over things that we can't do anything about? I struggle with letting go too, but I think we all need to remember that worrying is pointless!! Just rely on Him, its all you can do!
My husband just deployed about six weeks ago and all of those same questions were running through my mind while I dreadfully waited for it to come… if I can give you some words of wisdom (if they can be called that)… take each day at a time! bad days are going to suck, but they are allowed! make the most of your friends – military and civilian. they will make you feel a million times better. don't count down days 'til he is back, count down something with a much smaller number – like paychecks (that's what we do!). be happy any day that you talk to him, see he has spent money from the bank account, or see that HE IS OKAY. think of all the things you look forward to do with him when he returns home. look forward to R&R. whenever something funny, odd, sad, happy happens that you wish he was by your side for – take a picture of it. and always remember, you are a strong, strong woman and you are not alone.
Since my husband isn't in the military I couldn't even begin to imagine what military wives go through. You are as much important as your husband is fighting for our freedoms. When you do have to face deployment just know I will be here praying for you and your family.
wow lots of great advice!
just know that everything you're feeling, the uncertainty, the sadness, dread, worry, even anger and frustration… it's completely NORMAL. the closer you get to deployment, the stronger those feelings become and you just have to accept that they are to be expected.
most of the time the husband is a little excited about the deployment, since he's going to have a grand bachelor adventure in some far away land. and that's normal too.
you're going to be okay when the time comes. it's going to suck but you're going to have friends and family by your side and you'll come out on the other end a STRONGER woman because you showed yourself that you can do it, even alone! :]
xoxo
I know I only have "met" you through blogland, and I am not a military wife, but I WILL pray for you specifically!! Thank YOU for serving in this way…as a wife and mom of a someone serving our country. It is a BIG job. Please save my email and email me when your hubby deploys and I will pray for anything you need. Again, thank you!! Hugs, Amanda
As we are currently preparing for deployment #3 I can tell you the best thing to do is just make the most of the time that you have together. Enjoy these days and your little family. =)
To prepare myself I have been praying for God to protect my thoughts from the what-ifs, to prepare me now for the lack of communication and for the abscence. I pray for God to give my children special understanding and to protect their thoughts as well. That is about all I know to do to prepare. Lots of prayer and lots of spending time together while we can.
I have also found that having children to take care of definetly makes the deployment go faster…and anything that makes a 400 day deployment go faster is a good thing =)
With that said, being both mommy and daddy just do not forget to take care of yourself.
and know that you are not alone…you have all of us in blogland =)