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Recently, I found a new blog called The Good Women Project and I read an awesome article on there about marriage called, What No One Told Me about Marriage. On the post, a young woman talks about what she would tell herself about marriage if she could go back in time. I will probably post more about what she wrote another time, but here is one quote from her I just loved, and my thoughts on it.
“Your marriage has the potential to be a very safe, wonderful, loving place. It can be a place of companionship and burden sharing, the place where your best friend lives. But this incredible place does not appear instantly. In fact, the road to get there requires a lot of work, a lot of grace, a lot of compassion, and a lot of second, third, fourth, fifth, etc. chances. It also requires self-sacrifice for both parties and an equal desire for unity.”
I love how she says potential. This potential is potential because of me. I affect the kind of marriage I want, my attitude affects the kind of marriage I get. My marriage has the potential to be a safe, wonderful, and loving place and so does yours, but the fact is do we let it get there, or are we hindering it with our attitudes, stubbornness, and unforgiveness?
I have always dreamed of a perfect friendship. One where I share ever secret, every burden, and never get judged. A marriage is supposed to have that kind of friendship, but I don’t think it always works out that way for most. No marriage is perfect, and no person is perfect. Your spouse should be your best friend, but even though they may try, they cannot always meet every need you have, only God can do that. (Something I have been learning the hard way!) But the friendship in a marriage is a give and take just like any other friendship. You share and then you listen. Sometimes you receive encouragement and sometimes you are the one doing the encouraging. I think the point is, to ask the question am I being the type of friend I would want to have? Am I being the type of spouse, I would want to have? Am I doing unto my husband as he would do unto me?
I love this one little phrase. In the moment I read it, it made everything seem all better, because I think we are all made to believe at one point or another that we will live “happily ever after.” And when that does not come, then we are disappointed. But marriage takes work and with that work comes a better marriage. A better marriage does not happen overnight it, “does not appear instantly.” Sometimes I find myself looking around at other people’s marriages, and yes even comparing. But I realized that while some of these people seemingly have perfect marriages, and while I seemingly have a marriage in progress, that it’s those things that happen along the way the bumps and the bad times, that get us to where we want to be. To that seemingly perfect marriage. In order to have a good marriage, I think you have to go through bad times and trials together, because then you learn how to handle them together. And you have to have arguments sometimes, because that is how you communicate and with communication comes better understanding, especially of each other. All these things eventually bring you to that “incredible place.”
“…the road to get there requires a lot of work, a lot of grace, a lot of compassion, and a lot of second, third, fourth, fifth, etc. chances.“
Can I say I had to smile, when I saw how many chances she wrote. Not just one or two, but three, four, five and MORE! I am one of those people who have to remember this because I like to give one chance and then I feel like that’s it. It’s the same with myself, I feel if I blow it just once it’s over, but that’s not the case, my husband loves me and we both know there is always a new tomorrow. As far as the work, compassion, and grace she mentioned, that’s the hard part. I think like everything else it is something that comes. You don’t just grow up having the perfect amount of grace and compassion in every experience and situation, you learn and grow every day and the more you practice the better you get!