To the One Grieving Her Father-Daughter Relationship on Father’s Day
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Father’s day is approaching and you already know it will be a hard day for you. It is for me too. I grieve the loss of a father who is still alive and yet because of the abuse, because of the past, we don’t speak.
Maybe like me, you had to put up a boundary of sorts to protect yourself and your family. Maybe your father is alive, but he left when you were just a child. Maybe like me, you grieve for the father-daughter relationship you never had.
I get it. I get that the grief can be overwhelming on some days. There’s the grief for that little girl who didn’t have a typical daddy. Grief for the girl who felt lost and unwanted and who feared her father more than anything else. And grief for the little girl who wished God had given her a different daddy – any daddy but the one she had.
You had no example of what a real father is…
I mourn with you over the missed daddy-daughter dates and over the missed daddy-daughter relationship that many others have. I mourn over the fact that you had no good example of what a real father is and should be. I mourn with you that you could only hope that the man you picked to marry was nothing like your father. Now, as we sit and watch our husbands play with our daughters, we are overjoyed for the relationship and love that we see there. But we mourn, because we never felt a love like that.
Can I let you in on a secret?
It’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to wish that things had been different and to remember the childhood you lost. It’s okay to to set a boundaries; to forgive, but not let back in. Many people won’t tell you this, they’ll disagree and they won’t understand. But I do. I see you and I know your pain.
So this Father’s Day, while everyone else is celebrating the father in their life, take a moment to grieve over the love and relationship you lost. And when you are done, look to the future; because your it’s bright and full of the amazing things you are going to do. Remember that you are special and you are loved and most of all that everything is going to be okay.
A Fellow Daughter
I have had a complicated and very distant relationship with my father for so many reasons. I can’t relate to so much of what you said here. What makes it more complicated is that, he just passed away and I found out yesterday on Father’s Day. Grieving over the loss is like a double whammy. Grieving what never was, and what now will never be. Im looking back at pictures and remembering the good things from my childhood- I always loved his hands. He was mischievous and feisty, and smirked for every photo. I grieve foe him; for the choices he made. He died alone, and wasn’t close to his kids or grandkids. It’s just so incredibly sad. I also
Grieve for the little girl in me who never had the daddy she should have. I
Pray he is at peace; healthy and whole, And I hope he knew that I loved him- despite it all.
I am so sorry for your loss and so sorry for everything that could have been but never was. I understand, completely.
Oh my goodness- I meant that I *CAN relate to most everything you said here. ?