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It has been seven and half years since my husband and I were married. Boy, time flies by fast! Lately, I have been thinking back to all the marriage advice I was given either at my bridal shower or before our wedding. It seemed as though everyone has their own advice and their own way of dealing with things when it comes to marriage. Here are a few of the things I was told:
- “Never go to bed angry with each other.”
- “Greet your husband at the door every day when he gets off of work, even if you’re busy.”
- “Be patient with each other, kind, considerate, and loving.”
- “Make sure God is always the center of your marriage.”
“Whenever my husband and I have an argument, one of us will get a toasting glass, and fill it up with something like water, juice, or soda – it does not have to be something extraordinary. Then we offer it to the other. It is a way of coming to a truce and working it out.”
There are so many many pieces of marriage advice out there and while it may be hard to know which is “right” I think that it’s more important to find what works for you and your spouse. I polled many different women, and asked them for their best pieces of marriage advice. Here are their answers…
40 Pieces of Marriage Advice
1. “It’s ok to go to bed angry sometimes.” – Sarah
2. “Always give each other a kiss goodbye, even when mad.” Sarah
3. “Never entertain the idea of divorce. Never throw it out or threaten it.” – Danielle
4. “Never treat marriage as a 50/50 endeavor. It’s always 100/100. You gotta put your best into it even if your best makes it 80/40 some days one way or the other.” – Yvonne
5. “Pray together every single day and don’t go to sleep angry, always try to talk it out and come to some resolution.” – Kailey
6. “Put God first and never give up!” – Amanda
7. “Don’t stop holding hands.” – De Anndrea
8. “Make a point to talk through things and see where your spouse is coming from. Understanding and compromise make every situation more manageable and easier to work through.” – Emily
9. “Always say one thing you like about the other person no matter how mad you may be. It serves as a reminder of why you choose to be together. It can range from anything such as their kindness towards others, to them leaving the house to go to work.” – Emily
10. “Don’t talk badly about your spouse to your friends and family. It will make them think of your spouse negatively.” – Rachel
11. “Don’t use universal statements with your spouse. It harbors resentment. (Ex: ‘You NEVER do the dishes.’ Or ‘You ALWAYS say that.’)” – Rachel
12. “Always eat ice cream together!” – Kelley
13. “Find what is special to just you two and do not include the kids. Ours is eating Ben and Jerry’s while watching a show. We don’t share that time with anyone.” – Kelley
14. “Love is NOT a feeling, it is a commitment. Should your past worst days become your future best days, you’re still there. For me, it used to be that love was nothing more than (mostly) happiness and butterflies in my stomach, and thinking that love was what Hollywood portrays it to be. Thankfully, I do still have those great feelings and excitement knowing I get to see my husband when I get home, and I hope I always do, but acknowledge there will be times it may not be that way.” – Aimee
15. “Love is a serious word. Love is what Jesus did on the cross and not something you have to say back to someone just because they say it to you.” – Aimee
16. “Never speak negatively about your spouse behind his back or to other people.” – Chris
17. “Set aside some alone time together once a month, like a date night out or a date night in.” – Chris
18. “Pray together.” – Chris
19. “Never let the ‘new’ wear off of being a marital team – continue doing all the little things that brought you together in the first place. We’ve been married 50 years – and there’s nothing to compare to a really good marital relationship. – Kay
20. “Sometimes, marriage takes more than two…it needs community. You don’t have to go through this [marriage] struggle alone. Seek out friends, especially older women whose marriages you respect and desire to emulate. Share your struggles, your issues…from the silliest of frustrations like those darn socks on the floor to the biggest issues like affairs and sexual temptations. Ask for advice. Ask for prayer. Cry with them. Lay some of those burdens down at the feet of your friends and mentors and let them help you carry them. I think that you will be a better wife for it.” – Aprille
21. “Always hug and kiss each other hello and goodbye. You never know when it could be your last.” – Chris
22. “Text each other once in a while just to say you ‘I love you’. Leave love notes in places they’ll find them like on a post-it or on the bathroom mirror fogged up, or even on toilet paper as is being rolled out. Get creative!” – Chris
23. “Don’t let other people’s opinions rule your marriage. Seriously. We wouldn’t have made it 6 months if we only listened to what other people told us, much less the 17 years we’ve been together. Other people don’t need to understand your relationship. You picked each other for a reason…work it out together. Ask for advice from others, yes, but don’t default to their ideas. You’ve got this!” – Jenise
24. “Never speak ill of your spouse to anyone else (except God).” – Cheryl
25. “It’s not about you and how you “feel”, DECIDE to love and act on it.” – Cheryl
26. “Always put your spouse first. I think of him before myself. Your spouse should be your best friend and most important person in your life.” – Gretchen
27. “You will fight with your soulmate. Quite often, actually. However, remember that there was something essential that had drawn the two of you together. You probably have a zillion photos that have documented at least a portion of that “essential” something… Those photos are the mutual treasure that you and your soulmate need to keep front-and-center as reminders as to why (during your difficult times) you should not “sweat the small stuff.” Because it almost always is about the small stuff.” – David
28. “Try to laugh together. This seems small, but remember that you LIKE each other.” – Kirsten
29. “Commit to your marriage every day honoring it above all other relationships and consciously remember why you love your spouse.” – Alane
30. “Have sex regularly. Implement a GSD (guaranteed sex day) where you both can agree that the day will work; therefore, there’s no need for a question and possible rejection. Plus, it gives you both something to look forward to and even prepare for in advance (physically AND mentally)!” – Courtney
31. “Make eye contact! With 4 kids, TV, Cell phones, and life in general, feeling heard and feeling like you are connecting isn’t always easy. When you make a point of making eye contact it really helps.” – Denise
32. “Welcome each other home! Whatever you are doing, let the other person know you are super happy they are home. Then whenever they aren’t home they will be thinking, ‘Man, I can’t wait to get home, I’m needed, loved, and appreciated there.'” – Denise
33. “Laugh frequently. It was the most simple and sound piece of advice and it’s helped us through so much.” – Susan
34. “Every couple fights about in-laws and money. Decide not to.” – Abbey
35. “Communication is the key.” – Tanya
36. “Forgive and ask for forgiveness. In other words, admit when you’ve done wrong which can be really hard, but being humble is probably the best quality to have in any relationship!” – Jansen
37. “Have a date night, it helps! Hold each other, communicate, and pray!” – Wanda
38. “Courtesies and politeness are often overlooked when the strains of marriage take their toll. Remembering to smile, saying things like, ‘Please,’ ‘Thank you,’ ‘Good Morning,’ ‘Good night,’ or how are you today?’ is so important. Long years of stress and routine sometimes causes us to forget how to talk to one another, and too often we take companionship for granted.” – Christine
39. “Some days (weeks, years) you will love your spouse because they make you love them and some days (weeks, years) you will love them because you made a commitment to love them. Both days will come, both days you must love, and one good day is worth an abundance of bad, but without enduring the bad you cannot appreciate the good.” – Regina
And last, but not least…
So what about YOU? Is there a piece of advice you have received that you are using?
While I have many pieces of advice through out my blog and linked to throughout this post, here are just a few that I try to apply to my marriage:
- Always put God first, He will help you through anything and will be there for you even if your husband cannot.
- Every couple will have arguments, just remember that some things are not worth arguing over, and tomorrow you will probably not even remember what you were arguing about.
- Whenever you can, think of the nice things your spouse does. Remember that they love you and want the best for you even if it may not always seem that way at first.
- Don’t make hasty judgments, things are not always what they seem.
- Be slow to anger, and quick to forgive.