40 Pieces of Marriage Advice From Over 30 Different Spouses
Note: I may earn money or products from the companies, products, or links mentioned in this post.
It has been seven and half years since my husband and I were married. Boy, time flies by fast! Lately, I have been thinking back to all the marriage advice I was given either at my bridal shower or before our wedding. It seemed as though everyone has their own advice and their own way of dealing with things when it comes to marriage. Here are a few of the things I was told:
- “Never go to bed angry with each other.”
- “Greet your husband at the door every day when he gets off of work, even if you’re busy.”
- “Be patient with each other, kind, considerate, and loving.”
- “Make sure God is always the center of your marriage.”
“Whenever my husband and I have an argument, one of us will get a toasting glass, and fill it up with something like water, juice, or soda – it does not have to be something extraordinary. Then we offer it to the other. It is a way of coming to a truce and working it out.”
There are so many many pieces of marriage advice out there and while it may be hard to know which is “right” I think that it’s more important to find what works for you and your spouse. I polled many different women, and asked them for their best pieces of marriage advice. Here are their answers…
40 Pieces of Marriage Advice
1. “It’s ok to go to bed angry sometimes.” – Sarah
2. “Always give each other a kiss goodbye, even when mad.” Sarah
3. “Never entertain the idea of divorce. Never throw it out or threaten it.” – Danielle
4. “Never treat marriage as a 50/50 endeavor. It’s always 100/100. You gotta put your best into it even if your best makes it 80/40 some days one way or the other.” – Yvonne
5. “Pray together every single day and don’t go to sleep angry, always try to talk it out and come to some resolution.” – Kailey
6. “Put God first and never give up!” – Amanda
7. “Don’t stop holding hands.” – De Anndrea
8. “Make a point to talk through things and see where your spouse is coming from. Understanding and compromise make every situation more manageable and easier to work through.” – Emily
9. “Always say one thing you like about the other person no matter how mad you may be. It serves as a reminder of why you choose to be together. It can range from anything such as their kindness towards others, to them leaving the house to go to work.” – Emily
10. “Don’t talk badly about your spouse to your friends and family. It will make them think of your spouse negatively.” – Rachel
11. “Don’t use universal statements with your spouse. It harbors resentment. (Ex: ‘You NEVER do the dishes.’ Or ‘You ALWAYS say that.’)” – Rachel
12. “Always eat ice cream together!” – Kelley
13. “Find what is special to just you two and do not include the kids. Ours is eating Ben and Jerry’s while watching a show. We don’t share that time with anyone.” – Kelley
14. “Love is NOT a feeling, it is a commitment. Should your past worst days become your future best days, you’re still there. For me, it used to be that love was nothing more than (mostly) happiness and butterflies in my stomach, and thinking that love was what Hollywood portrays it to be. Thankfully, I do still have those great feelings and excitement knowing I get to see my husband when I get home, and I hope I always do, but acknowledge there will be times it may not be that way.” – Aimee
15. “Love is a serious word. Love is what Jesus did on the cross and not something you have to say back to someone just because they say it to you.” – Aimee
16. “Never speak negatively about your spouse behind his back or to other people.” – Chris
17. “Set aside some alone time together once a month, like a date night out or a date night in.” – Chris
18. “Pray together.” – Chris
19. “Never let the ‘new’ wear off of being a marital team – continue doing all the little things that brought you together in the first place. We’ve been married 50 years – and there’s nothing to compare to a really good marital relationship. – Kay
20. “Sometimes, marriage takes more than two…it needs community. You don’t have to go through this [marriage] struggle alone. Seek out friends, especially older women whose marriages you respect and desire to emulate. Share your struggles, your issues…from the silliest of frustrations like those darn socks on the floor to the biggest issues like affairs and sexual temptations. Ask for advice. Ask for prayer. Cry with them. Lay some of those burdens down at the feet of your friends and mentors and let them help you carry them. I think that you will be a better wife for it.” – Aprille
21. “Always hug and kiss each other hello and goodbye. You never know when it could be your last.” – Chris
22. “Text each other once in a while just to say you ‘I love you’. Leave love notes in places they’ll find them like on a post-it or on the bathroom mirror fogged up, or even on toilet paper as is being rolled out. Get creative!” – Chris
23. “Don’t let other people’s opinions rule your marriage. Seriously. We wouldn’t have made it 6 months if we only listened to what other people told us, much less the 17 years we’ve been together. Other people don’t need to understand your relationship. You picked each other for a reason…work it out together. Ask for advice from others, yes, but don’t default to their ideas. You’ve got this!” – Jenise
24. “Never speak ill of your spouse to anyone else (except God).” – Cheryl
25. “It’s not about you and how you “feel”, DECIDE to love and act on it.” – Cheryl
26. “Always put your spouse first. I think of him before myself. Your spouse should be your best friend and most important person in your life.” – Gretchen
27. “You will fight with your soulmate. Quite often, actually. However, remember that there was something essential that had drawn the two of you together. You probably have a zillion photos that have documented at least a portion of that “essential” something… Those photos are the mutual treasure that you and your soulmate need to keep front-and-center as reminders as to why (during your difficult times) you should not “sweat the small stuff.” Because it almost always is about the small stuff.” – David
28. “Try to laugh together. This seems small, but remember that you LIKE each other.” – Kirsten
29. “Commit to your marriage every day honoring it above all other relationships and consciously remember why you love your spouse.” – Alane
30. “Have sex regularly. Implement a GSD (guaranteed sex day) where you both can agree that the day will work; therefore, there’s no need for a question and possible rejection. Plus, it gives you both something to look forward to and even prepare for in advance (physically AND mentally)!” – Courtney
31. “Make eye contact! With 4 kids, TV, Cell phones, and life in general, feeling heard and feeling like you are connecting isn’t always easy. When you make a point of making eye contact it really helps.” – Denise
32. “Welcome each other home! Whatever you are doing, let the other person know you are super happy they are home. Then whenever they aren’t home they will be thinking, ‘Man, I can’t wait to get home, I’m needed, loved, and appreciated there.'” – Denise
33. “Laugh frequently. It was the most simple and sound piece of advice and it’s helped us through so much.” – Susan
34. “Every couple fights about in-laws and money. Decide not to.” – Abbey
35. “Communication is the key.” – Tanya
36. “Forgive and ask for forgiveness. In other words, admit when you’ve done wrong which can be really hard, but being humble is probably the best quality to have in any relationship!” – Jansen
37. “Have a date night, it helps! Hold each other, communicate, and pray!” – Wanda
38. “Courtesies and politeness are often overlooked when the strains of marriage take their toll. Remembering to smile, saying things like, ‘Please,’ ‘Thank you,’ ‘Good Morning,’ ‘Good night,’ or how are you today?’ is so important. Long years of stress and routine sometimes causes us to forget how to talk to one another, and too often we take companionship for granted.” – Christine
39. “Some days (weeks, years) you will love your spouse because they make you love them and some days (weeks, years) you will love them because you made a commitment to love them. Both days will come, both days you must love, and one good day is worth an abundance of bad, but without enduring the bad you cannot appreciate the good.” – Regina
And last, but not least…
So what about YOU? Is there a piece of advice you have received that you are using?
While I have many pieces of advice through out my blog and linked to throughout this post, here are just a few that I try to apply to my marriage:
- Always put God first, He will help you through anything and will be there for you even if your husband cannot.
- Every couple will have arguments, just remember that some things are not worth arguing over, and tomorrow you will probably not even remember what you were arguing about.
- Whenever you can, think of the nice things your spouse does. Remember that they love you and want the best for you even if it may not always seem that way at first.
- Don’t make hasty judgments, things are not always what they seem.
- Be slow to anger, and quick to forgive.
The best advice is two fold:
1) When you're angry at your spouse, go ahead and realize that 90% of the issue is your problem and 10% of that anger, he probably deserves.
2)When you are hurt, instead of berating your husband, take it to God, ask Him to open your husband's eyes to the issue. He never fails!
What a great post! By the way, I've been married 26 years to the most wonderful man in the world! You might like my post: prayer formy son's wife: http://bluecottonmemory.wordpress.com/2009/06/20/prayer-for-my-sons-wife/
Glad to see your comments are up and running! I'll be posting about your giveaway tomorrow on my blog.
Now, the best marriage advice I was given regarding arguing in marraige is that…"Tomorrow, it won't matter as much. Yours and his heart will be softened. So, let it ride until then…" That advice has never failed me. Time can heal any quarrel, problem, or struggle we have. We're in it for the long haul!
I hope that I'm reading wrong and that the contest ends next monday the 27th.
The best advice I ever gave or received was to stop before I got angry/defensive with my husband and think I would feel in the same situation. For example if he's upset about waking up late for work and is fussy I should take 5 seconds to think how it would make me feel before I start screaming at him. (When 1 person is just fussy in general many times the other person feels the need to be "on the defense") This stops a lot of the "piddly" arguments.
Best advice.. never nag. Learn to coax lightly.
Got your button.
Saw your giveaway on Love, Actually and I'm so yearning for that book… getting it FREE would be even better. haha.
I know you already mentioned this, but the truly best advice I've ever gotten was to not go to bed angry, and I think that should be extended to not ever leaving when you're angry. My husband will leave for work late if I'm still upset because he doesn't want either of us to be angry or upset with the other when we're apart. If he leaves and I'm angry or upset I know that I would cry later thinking that you never know what's going to happen to either of us and the last thing he'll remember is my angry voice and I didn't say "I love you" the right way before he left.
I'm sure it just sounds like a bunch of mumble-jumble, but I hope it makes sense. I'll be posting your button on my blog in just a little bit.
Just dropped in from Love, Actually…I love your blog and I loved the movie Fireproof! What a great giveaway!
I'm posting your button my blog asap 🙂
The best advice I got was from my parents. "Date your spouse regularly. Love diminishes only when we stop giving it." My parents went on Friday Night Date Night for as long as I can remember, and if that's the secret to their happiness and romance- then count me in!
Thanks for an awesome giveaway. I'm off to put your button on my blog. 🙂
The best marriage advice I received came during an marriage preparation retreat.
When having a difficult discussion or heated debate, hold hands. If you are holding hands with your spouse it will be much harder to let your anger get the best of you.
I also jumped on over from Love, Actually. I posted the button on my blog.
Hmmm…marriage advice…I would say worry about the comfort of your spouse. Consider his feelings, his opinions, his needs.
Also, I second the need for date nights!
I actually read this on my friend's Courtney blog and decided to check this out. What an awesome giveaway!
The best advice that I have ever received was during our pre-marital counseling.My husband and I use to fight quite a bit before we were married, and we always made up, but the both of us felt like we fought too often. What our pastor's wife brought up was how we approach a disagreement. I like to talk it out right away where as my husband likes to mull it over before he gets into it. So when I tried talking right away, he thought I was being naggy and insensitive to his needs. But when he didn't respond, I thought he was avoiding the issue and being defensive.
Having cleared that up, she gave us this bit of advice. If you are not ready to talk about something, set a specific time to resolve it later, don't be vague. That way, I give him the time he needs, and he gives me assurance that he's committed to talking about it. It has worked wonderfully for the both of us.
I realize this is a bit long, but I felt the backup story was necessary 🙂
Loooved the movie! My best advice was given to my mother and now I give it to others. Don't depend on your spouse to make you happy.
Allison, I cannot get to your blog, so how would you like me to contact you if you win?
Best advice: Keep doing what you did to get them.
In other words, don't get complacent just because you are married. Keep your appearance up. Keep doing nice things. Regularly include surprises. Don't let things get boring and stale.
This book has been recommended to me and I would LOVE to win it!!! I read a cheat sheet sort of thing on it and was very interested! The best advise I have so far, in the beginning of my marriage is one you wrote: be slow to anger. Chose your battles. Some things are worth standing your ground for and others, well, they just aren't worth it. Always put the relationship before your needs. The advise that was given to me that stuck in my head came from a couple celebrating 50 years. They said: don't fall out of love at the same time. I thought this was very honest. He may fall out of love with us and we may fall out of love with him, but as long as the other is there to hold it together when one is weak, we will make it together.
P.S. I want this book 🙂
Kathryn, I actually don't have a blog, just a gmail account. It's email@example.com 🙂
i wanna win! i posted your button!
the best advice given to me was from our pastor the day of our wedding. "In a marriage, its not 50-50 but yet 100-100. Even when your spouse is not giving 100, you will be and when it is true love, their 100 will come back."
Best marriage advice ever: COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE! Even if you don't want to! It's hard sometimes, but then again, life IS hard.
By the way, I've never heard of the book or movie but it sounds fantastic!
If its not against the rules I would like to put up two things of advice I received.
"Always spend a little more than he makes. It keeps him on his toes." (oviously more of a humorous piece of advice)
"Nothing is really worth getting worked up over. You will say dumb things and regret them right after."
The book sounds fantastic and I love your blog!
Add me in!!
Best advice? I had a friend that would have hubby call on his way home, and everyone got excited and tided up before he came home. (Had another friend that did just the opposite-really made a difference)
This is great! We have only been married 8 months, but the best advice we got was
"dance in the kitchen"
my crazy old aunt told us that and we kind of thought it was silly. but we quickly realized the day-to-day struggles are sometimes MORE stress than the big blowups or outside drama. Usually the last thing either of us wants to do is cook dinner, so the kitchen is kind of dreaded territory – we don't want to cook, there's a good chance we don't even have everything for a complete meal, and when it's all done, we have a mess to clean. It's nice to sometimes just do a little twirl around the kitchen together and let some of the stress go and be grateful that we are at least cooking and cleaning for TWO!
I really hope I win this…have been wanting to read this for a long time now.
My best marriage advice recvd is always make sure there are 3 of you in the marriage…..GOD YOU and YOUR SPOUSE
Hey there! I saw your comment on my blog and thought I would stop by! I really related to some of your blogs. Being (very!) newly married, there is no way my husband and I are having kids just yet, we are extremely young and would like to wait until we can be closer to our family to have children, and I have often wondered how the heck I'm going to make friends here because everyone I meet seems to have children! Its nice to see that I am not going through these feelings alone. =]
It's ok to stop and walk away as long as you don't wait to long to walk back. Thing need to be worked out that day or in the process of working out.
Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest
Hi! I am definitely going to be following your beautiful blog and I posted your button on my blog. I hope I win the book!
I have been married to my husband for almost 19 years. We have had our share of disagreements but we are still hanging in there and going strong!
I have so many different things I'd like to say but I'd really like to mention two that I think are essential.
The absolute most important thing I've learned is to keep your relationships prioritized correctly and then everything else will fall into place. What I mean by that is, that you MUST have God first in YOUR life and at the center of your marriage. He must always come first. Then, your relationship with your spouse MUST always be next – before your parents and before your children, once they enter the picture. If you don't put your marriage above all your other earthly relationships, then you are definitely going to have problems. After your marriage, your children/other family members should come next and then all other relationships should be last. If you keep these prioritized correctly, it will go a LONG ways toward keeping your marriage happy and healthy.
STAY OUT OF DEBT! If you can't pay cash for it, don't buy it. Money is the number one reason couples fight and the number one reason they divorce. If you say no to credit cards, vehicles and other items you want that have to be finance and anything else that you can't pay cash for, you will be much, much happier in the long run. It can be done, I promise. My family is living proof! Dave Ramsey's book 'The Total Money Makeover' is one of the best investments you can make in your marital future. It is a very easy read but it is filled with TONS of awesome Godly advice on how to stay or become debt free and how to maintain a budget. The Bible has more references about money and how we should handle our money than any other topic, including love! I believe this is because what we do with our money shows the true condition of our heart and what position money holds there. I URGE you to make this subject an important one when you consider the health of your marriage and your relationship with God.
The absolute BEST book I can recommend for anyone who is married or about to be married is 'His Needs, Her Needs' by Willard E. Harley. IT IS A MUST READ!
Blessings to all,
HAPPY SITS-SATURDAY SHAREFEST!!!
So…i'm divorced…and now engaged…i didn't get any marriage advice first time around (which is probably why i'm divorced – lol)…but i have some great models for marriage now that I am engaged to the LOML (love of my life)….i enjoyed reading your post though and believe i will follow you…ya got some wisdom goin' there, girl!
hope you enjoy mine…i'm sarcastic and tongue in cheek…but i love my life…and my blog…lol
how fun! I skipped over to your blog from love actually. What a great giveaway! I want to win!
Best marriage advice… hmmm, some funny advice was, "when you start arguing start taking your clothes off. The argument will stop immediately." havent tried that one yet…
k now good advice. to always date and make time for each other. when he comes in the door, make that first 8 seconds of contact important.
And I totally have your button. 🙂
Marriage advice that we got was there is usually more then one right way to do things. Like how to make the bed, or how to put the dishes away, etc. Does it really matter as long as it gets done.
I LOVE this idea. I just recently learned that this great Christian couple that I know is getting a divorce!!! My heart is absolutely broken. They are family and live states away so I hardly see them anymore and to learn that their marriage has shattered tears me up. They have two children, two careers (lawyer & doctor), and had two little time for each other.
My best advice is take time for each other. Date nights are a MUST.
Love and respect each other, even when you don't feel like it.
Argue nice no matter what, absolutely NO exceptions!
I'm only in my second year of marriage so I appreciate all those comments ahead of mine.
My oldest son just got married and the advice I gave him is to tell her you love her every day, and never go to bed angry or with unresolved issues.
I and my wife marriage life were so boring just after few years of wedding. We both tried to take couple therapy sessions to bring back love, romance and intimacy. Couple counselors suggest us to acquire the time on weekends or another occasion to communicate the goals and thoughts you both share. Don’t just enjoy the last few days of your wedding. But plan ahead for the future too. Speak about where you both want to be whether it is going back to college, receiving a promotion, shifting careers or having a child. Distributing your aim and thoughts can facilitate you both to continue in touch with what matters to both of you and can help out you to obligate to helping each other. Consider we transform from day to day, both personally and physically. We progress, evolve and grow, keeping these channels of conversation open – keeps us to develop jointly without of being apart. This really helped me a lot.
All the problems related to a marriage life are not associated with logic and one cannot find logic in everything. The logical part has to be removed at times and such problems have to be dealt emotionally. The emotional part must always be taken into consideration.
The right emotional spark must be there in the husband which would trigger a similar spark in the wife’s mind. Getting that spark is extremely important since the emotional spark helps in solving many problems. Generally problems arise due to reasons which have less logic and more of emotions.
All of that advice is good, but I’m surprised that, while so many others repeat each other, only one is about sex! It’s a hugely important part of marriage, one that should be kept alive, vibrant, fresh, and frequent. My advice: do all the stuff mentioned above and then make love and make it often. And then do it again. And again.
I have to say I completely agree! Sex is so important in a marriage and I think more people should be less embarrassed to talk about it!
In sickness and in health, but also through the highs and the lows, we must learn to navigate the waters of marriage each and every day. One movie that was an inspiration to me was ‘The Story of Us’ starring Michelle Pfeiffer and Bruce Willis. It’s rated R for strong language and and brief sexuality, but the part that stuck out to me was the “high/low” dinner scene that they shared as a family. In order to make it through the highs and the lows, we must “BE” together and I’m definitely on board with never going to bed angry.