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I have not posted in over a week and I think that this is the first time this has happened since starting my blog. Usually I will have some type of post either scheduled or a guest blogger if I know I am not going to post, but over the past couple of weeks, I have just been silent. Silent because for once I have had nothing to say. Sure I have had a myriad of ideas for posts dancing around in my head, but I honestly just could not write.
I don’t know if it’s because I am too busy, because I am just so wrapped up in everything this deployment is throwing at me, or if it’s just that I needed a break to learn, grow, and do other things. This deployment had opened up my eyes to things I never knew before. To things I thought I understood because I am a military wife, but things I never could understand until I experienced it for myself. It’s a whole new world.
I am learning things about myself, my husband, and my family and friends. I am learning how to handle things that are thrown at me, and I am learning how to handle them without falling apart at the seams. I am learning that marriage takes work, it takes prayer, and it takes love and patience. I am learning that being a mother is not as easy as I once thought. I am learning a lot.
In the four weeks that he has been gone, I have done things that I was never prepared to do. I never thought I would have to prepare myself to tell my husband that a family member of his only has 6 months to live. Sure, nothing prepares you for that, but finding the time between 12-18 hour work shifts, messed up skype calls, and several emails, now that – that is hard work. I was not prepared to encourage my husband, even when I felt so discouraged that I had nothing to say. I was not prepared to fix cars, break lights, internet connections, and PS3’s, but here I was all this past week troubleshooting with friends, family, and neighbors trying to figure out what had gone wrong. I was not even prepared for the changes my husband has been through where he is. Three different rooms, and approximately 15 different roommates later… Then there is the shift change, the sleeping patterns, and the job change.
And all through this I have realized… it’s all out of my control. None of this is controlled by me. Not the things that happen, not the outcomes, and certainly not the future. I try to control it, but I can’t. I just have to step back and say, “God, it’s yours.” And do you know what He says? “That’s what I have been waiting for all along.”