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Stress & Blessings

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Today is one of those days I want to be angry…

Angry that the military took my husband away right now.
Angry that I have had to put up with multiple car and rental problems, and days without a car at all.
Angry that I have gone through multiple tornadoes, hail and storms by myself.
Angry because of the worry I have had over my husband’s tests.
Angry that I have had to ask people for help because I can’t do it all myself.
Angry for the loss of sleep because it’s hard to sleep through all the stress and and storms, and just plain hard to sleep alone.
Angry because we did not have enough money for me to go home to see my family while my husband is away.
Angry that my husband had to be away during the worry of the almost government shutdown.
Angry that all the stress, has made me sick.
Angry because both Adam and I got sick at the same time, and I would just rather stay in bed, but I can’t.
Angry because unlike most non-military people I don’t have family nearby that I can see all the time of drop off Adam whenever need a sitter or a break.
Angry that all this happened within such a short time and feels likely to drive me crazy.

But you know what? When I stop and think about it, I’m really not angry at all. Because I love being a military wife, and I wouldn’t change that for anything in the world!


“Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise.”

-Laura Story


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7 Comments

  1. I'm really angry right now! while I was blessed to be able to go visit family, I came home to termites and raw sewage on my driveway! Then dealing with the possibility of half a paycheck and trying to fix the above problems (plus a baby who won't sleep more than 2-3 hours at a time), all my my flippin self in less than a 24 hour period. UGH i hate deployment.

    but you are right…we will make it through and through all of this God is still there!

  2. Aw I'm sorry you two are having such a horrible time. You both know all the worry and stress I have going on, but I've decided to look for the silver lining in all things. The Sun is always behind the clouds right? 😉 I hope things look up and soon!!

  3. hey friend,

    this is totally okay for you to be upset about. GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO BE MAD. mad is normal. pissed off is normal. mad at your husband for being gone is normal. expect it, and give yourself time to work through it.

    you are not having an easy time of things right now– it's okay to feel a little crazy and off-kilter. it's not forever, it's temporary (which could be days, weeks, months, but not forever!).

    i honestly believe that a TDY is WAY HARDER than a deployment. the reason is that it takes about a month or so for you to get used to your husband being gone– life feels weird and you don't sleep well at night and you feel that "missing piece" very keenly in those first four weeks. after the first month though, things start to level out, you get your stride back, you establish a new routine, you start sleeping out of sheer exhaustion (all the way through the night, it's a miracle!).

    but with a TDY, he's only gone long enough for you to feel miserable and lonely, not long enough for you to gain a sense of independence.

    does that make sense?

    anyway, you're NOT alone. i'm thinking of you, please don't apologize for these feelings, okay?

    xoxo

  4. I love that song. I definitely needed to hear that tonight, and reading this post put my own woes into perspective. I hope you have a supportive church to lean on during this time, or some good friends. It's hard to be alone!

  5. i'm so angry too…angry at the whole situation we're in and angry that my son has to struggle and can't eat like most every other baby on the planet 🙁 some days i want to scream (and do, into a pillow)…but i'm trying to remember that God is somehow in the midst of this. i know i'm struggling to handle it all and am doing a terrible job of being a Christian right now, but i still believe i'm blessed somehow, even when i don't feel it most days. i remember how awful deployment was…i can't imagine you (and others that i know) doing it alone with a baby on top of everything else. you guys are SO brave and i look up to you for it!

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