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To be honest, 2014 was nothing like I expected… or wanted. Since January of this year we have been through one thing after another trying to help our daughter with her complicated medical conditions. From being diagnosed with Failure to Thrive, Lyrangomalsia, Aspiration and Apnea, to surgery, a feeding tube, and 7 hospital stays, my daughter’s short life has been one of many trials and complications.
My word for 2014 was supposed to be “relationship.” I stated that I wanted to work on my relationship with God, my husband, my family and my friends, but as I look over the past year to where I am today, I don’t see much growth in these areas.
Over the past year, I have been in a spot where I am struggling to see where I am with God. I grieve for everything that has happened to my family and it’s been very hard for me to see past that. The relationship with our families has been touch and go. Some relationships have grown stronger, others have backed away.
My relationship with friends? There hasn’t been much growth on my part which saddens me. Gone are the days of play dates and girl’s nights out. Most of my time has been filled with therapies, appointments, and exhaustion.
As I sit here tonight, thinking about everything from the past year the thing I see most is the word God gave me for 2015: grace. If there was anything our little family needs more this coming year it’s grace. If there is any lesson that I need to learn it’s that God always gives grace.
Wikipedia defines grace as:
The love and mercy given to us by God because God desires us to have it, not because of anything we have done to earn it.”
I may not have grown in my relationships like I wanted to, I may not know right now what is up from down or black from white, but there is grace and I am so thankful.
My family will be heading into 2015 at full speed. We have lab results to get back, surgeries to schedule, new specialists to see, and we are heading to a new base that will hopefully give us a new start.
In 2015, I will need God’s grace to cover my fears. I will need God’s grace for the days I try to take things into my own hands and control everything that happens. I will need God’s grace for the days I just can’t take the exhaustion one more minute. I will need God’s grace for the days my husband and I just can’t agree on things.
I don’t now what else will come in 2015, but I do know God’s grace will be with me. I pray that it’s the same for you.
What word did you choose for 2015?