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It’s been three months since you left me and yet you still remain with me. It’s amazing how much you can learn, even during a 4th deployment. I’m so glad I’m no longer waking up each morning wondering if my hubby is really home, I now know that he is…until the next time he’s called. I can only pray that the next time we’ll have more than three day’s notice, yet I won’t hold my breath either because I know how the story goes.
You made me laugh, you made me cry, you made me seriously consider finding a straight jacket, and you made me grateful for my amazing friends and support system. There were good times and bad, during our 15 months together, but I am thankful to say that ended it with me being a stronger and more confident person than when I started this journey.
Oh Deployment, I knew that you’d teach me a lesson or two, as you always do. Although I never knew that I would need my 15 year old son to teach me how to change a car tire, and that I’d be ever grateful that my husband had the foresight to teach him that life lesson. There is something ever so humbling about allowing your child to teach you a valuable life skill. Who knew I’d become a vacuum surgeon, ant exterminator, or bathtub drain plumber…just to name a few, that’s right you did.
You had me fooled with the promise of R&R. I didn’t realize that R&R, a rest and reprieve for those deployed over a year, could be so great and yet cause ripples that would leave me trying to keep afloat for the last six months. How great it was to have my husband, and the kid’s father home for two weeks during Christmas, but you didn’t tell me that it would hurt as bad to let him go the second time. It was just as hard to wonder if he was going to come back after six more months, as it was to hope he made it through the first eight months. You never warned me that my daughter would be so affected that she would start having stomach aches and nightmares about her daddy dying. You made me believe that it was all fun and games, and yet you left us with aching hearts and me trying to comfort a child whose only cure would be her daddy coming home safe and sound.
You never told me that I’d be so overwhelmed with trying to keep up with the three kids, the dog, working, and everything in between that I’d literally have to take it day by day, and at the worst times hour by hour or minute by minute. I felt like you were laughing endlessly as I struggled to stay composed and together. Deployment brain is real, I had no idea what the date was or what day of the week it was most days, I’m still trying to decide if that was a perk or not, as it seems like a good coping method not knowing how much time you have left during the deployment.
Yet the things that you gave me, that you never even promised me, are the things that I take away with me and cherish the most. You provided me with friends who would be there for me 24/7, even for 2 am ER runs. You strengthened my husband and I’s relationship, despite being physically thousands of miles apart. You allowed me to cry and fall apart, and then to pick myself back up with God’s grace and keep moving forward. You taught my kids and I to band together as a strong family unit and that we can overcome any obstacles with my husband home or not. Best of all you taught me that my family and I will overcome. At the end of the tunnel waits all the positives and personal growth, the negative gets left behind, and while we can’t control when you choose us, we can control how we endure the experience.
So Deployment I hope I won’t be seeing you real soon, but just in case I want you know that I’m ready and stronger than ever, and when you arrive I’ll greet you and say ‘Hello.’
I’m a proud military Air Force wife. We love traveling all over the world with our 3 kids and our Westie, Macintosh. We have been stationed all over: Alabama, Iceland, Japan, and are heading to Germany in November 2013! I’m a Certified Photographer, DONA Certified Labor Doula, DODDS substitute teacher, DIY’er, crafter, etc…just to list a few. I love crafting and making things, traveling to new locations, and meeting amazing friends along the way, and of course posting about all our adventures!
*If you are interested in being a part of this series please see instructions here: Dear Deployment Blog Feature or email me at singingthroughtherain(at)gmail.com. Thanks!*