Letting Go: First Day of School
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Before my son was born, I had many many plans. I had it all worked out how I was going to raise him, where he would go to school and when, and how things would turn out. The funny thing is God had plans too, His always trump my own and are always better too.
I never planned to have a special needs little boy, but here we are on this journey and what a journey it has been! God has continually shown me that no matter what plans I have, He knows best and I need to stop trying to control everything and give it all over to Him. Where and when my son goes to school was one of those things.
When we first had my son, we figured the military would have moved us by the time we ever needed to make a decision about school. I thought we had plenty of time. My mom did pre-k and kindergarten with me and then sent me off to first grade at our Christian school and I guess I had always thought I would do the same for my kids. I would teach them how to read and all their first letters and numbers and then off to a Christian school they would go.
But with an autistic little boy things did not go as planned. We were quickly thrown into therapies, and IEP’s and talk of public schools, school zones, and bus routes. We realized that with Adam being a very social person he needed to be around his peers. He learns best by watching others – and others his own age are the best for helping him with that. So special needs half-day school was the choice we made for now.
I never planned on sending my baby – my 3 year old to school so early, but here we are at the first day of school. We talked about it for weeks and went to visit the classroom to help him adjust. And my nerves were a wreck waiting for this day to come. I knew I made the right decision, but how does one let their baby go? I felt like I was leaving him with a stranger – a trained teacher, but a stranger just the same. One who does not know all his special needs, or know his little sounds that only we as parents understand.
So I had to let go and give God control. God led us in this direction, he wouldn’t forsake us now. As I sit here waiting of the time to tick by so I can go pick him up from his first half-day at school, I realize that my son won’t even be able to tell me about his day or how it went or how he liked it. I know one day he will be able to talk better and until then I am back to trusting. Trusting that God will make sure the teachers take good care of my little boy and trusting that everything will be fine.
Thank you for sharing about this first day experience and your feelings behind it! I’m DREADING this day for our little boy. He turns three next month but his doctors and therapists agreed he isn’t ready for his special needs pre-school this year. I’ll confess that was a huge relief to me! I another year to prepare my heart… but how do you prepare? Let us know in a week or two how he and you are doing with this!! I’m very curious! đ Praying he has a GREAT time at school!!!
This post made me cry! I’ve been dealing with the same thing–my son might have to attend a special needs preschool when he turns three. We still have a few months (he turns 3 in February), but I’m already worrying about it. I know it will be the best thing for him.. I know he will have fun.. but deep down my heart aches to know I won’t be there with him, and he won’t be able to tell me how his day was. When I start to worry like that, Romans 8:28 {“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”} comes to my mind, which I believe is God reminding me to let go of my worry/fears and trust His plan for my son’s life. His plans are always way better than any of mine, anyway!
Praying your little boy had a wonderful day! Also praying God will help him with his speech so he can tell you how his day was!!
Awe hope the first day of school went well for Adam! (And you!) Thanks for this post as I needed it because I am in the same boat in October with my little one (I’m due during the first week of school so the school has allowed us a later start date) and it’s going to tough not hearing about her first day of school or what happened at school.
Hi! I just found your blog! My son just started special needs preschool in WR last week too. I sent you a friend request on facebook, Christine H., who I know from MOPS, said she knew you and suggested I friend you as we both have 3 year olds! We go to sensabilities too! It’s such a small world. Maybe we could have a playdate sometime!