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It’s that time of the month again and time for me to answer a couple questions sent in by readers just like you! Today it’s all about military girlfriends! Not sure what “Ask Kathryn” is? Click the link to find out!
Wedding Plans in the Air Force
I want to first say I found your blog when my boyfriend and soon-to-be husband said he was going to join the Air Force. It has helped me with almost every question that Google or Yahoo Answers couldn’t answer seriously. I do have a few questions though. We are planning on getting married by the Justice of the Peace before he signs his military papers. Do you think we should do it then or wait until before he leaves for boot camp? We also plan on having a ceremony and reception before we go to our first base together. Do you think we would have time after Tech School and before we leave to our new location, or is it pushing it a little too much? Thank you so much for having your blog. It is really inspiring.
Thank you so much for emailing me and so glad that I could be of help to you! I enjoyed reading your email because almost exactly four years ago I was in the same predicament as far as you! I wanted to know when to have our wedding, what to do, and how to plan it. I can definitely give you some pointers from the perspective of what we did.
Honestly, if you are going to be married by the Justice of the Peace, I would recommend doing it before he leaves for basic. That way you are already married and he can start getting the extra money for you to start your lives together as he will get paid extra for being married and having you as a dependent. As far as waiting and getting married or having a ceremony after or between Basic and Tech School, that’s a little bit harder.
My husband and I got engaged in June, he left for basic in July and I was left waiting for an exact date for when we could get married. First, it was January because we figured he would be done with Tech School by then, but that didn’t work out. Everything was so last minute because the military does not give you any exact dates until the last possible minute they think you should need to know.
Then we picked December because we knew for sure he would be home for a Christmas break. We had no idea when that would be or for how long and so the planning was very hard. August, he graduated Basic and we thought we would get a better of idea of what we were dealing with, but Tech School was crazy busy and they refused to tell him when his Christmas break dates were. Let’s just say, several months later some phone calls were made by my father-in-law and we finally were able to plan for a Christmas wedding. He got home two days before the wedding and we married two days before Christmas. We had a short honeymoon and then he went back to Tech School for one month.
I am not sure what I would do if I could do it all over again. But I know it definitely would have been easier to have the wedding after he had gotten out of Tech School and probably even until he had settled at his new base. I can’t tell you what to do, but it seems in your case waiting to have the ceremony until after he gets to his new base would be the best option for you. Get settled into your new life and have a little bit more time to plan.
I hope this helps and please feel free to ask me anymore questions! I have been there so I know it can be so hard to wait and so hard to plan around all this military stuff.
I have a boyfriend who I have been with for a very long period of time and we plan on having this bright future together. The only problem is I dropped the ball earlier today, and told him that I had finally made my decision to join the military (Navy). He told me I have completely broken his heart and thinks I am making a selfish decision for our future, and I have no idea how to even approach the subject. Honestly, I am offended that he said I am being selfish, I know he is just hurt by the announcement, but right now is when I really need his support. I needed to get the opinion from somebody who has dealt with the military relationship first hand, and can actually help me, or at least shed light on the situation. Thank you so much your time is greatly appreciated.
Thank you so much for emailing me! First, I can say that I have been in your boyfriend’s shoes. When my boyfriend (now husband) told me that he was thinking of joining the Air Force I was really upset. I knew nothing about the military or military life and my first thought was the war. I was scared. Very scared.
I guess my thoughts were similar to your boyfriend’s. I didn’t understand why he wanted to join the military or how I could ever deal with this, but through time he explained to me that this is something he had always wanted to do. He also thought it would be a good way to support us as we were talking about getting married.
From there the decision was up to me. Was I going to support him in this or was I going to walk away? We had already been together three years and I loved him so I decided that I was going to try and understand him and support him in this decision. It was the best decision I ever made. I started researching military life and life as a military wife and doing everything I could to learn about the Air Force and the job my husband wanted.
It was hard and it still is at times, but I would never go back and change anything. My advice to you would be to lay it all out to him. Tell him why you want to join, why this is important to you, and why you want him by your side supporting you through this. Give him some time to think about it and take it all in and then if he still can’t support you then it’s your decision on what you want to do.
How important is this decision to you? Would you still join if he decided not to support you? Those are decisions only you can make and I know they are tough ones. I do know that you want someone who is going to stand by you and support you through this military life. It’s hard, and it’s tough and you are going to need someone special to join you on this journey.
I hope this helps, please feel free to email me if you have anymore questions or just want to talk.
To my readers: What do you think? Do you have any comments, help, or tips for these ladies? Maybe you have been through something similar and would like to share. Please leave your thoughts in the comments below.
Have a question or need some advice? Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org to get your question featured!