When his Training is at Home
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My husband has been doing Airman Leadership Training for the past month and I have realized how much harder it is to have him home when he is doing training then having him away doing training on TDY. Please don’t get me wrong, I LOVE having my husband home all the time, any time, but I didn’t realize how much “in the zone” he would be during his training this past month and how hard it would be.
Here’s a little bit how our day goes… Husband goes to training like any normal work day. He comes home for lunch, albeit a much faster lunch. He spends the rest of the day at training and then comes home exhausted. I am exhausted from dealing with my son, his therapies and special needs and I want to vent. He wants to de-stress. He wants quiet time. He also has tons of homework that he has to get done before the day ends. He quickly plays with Adam, eats dinner, and spends the rest of the night doing homework before falling into bed from exhaustion.
I keep thinking how much easier it would be for me if he was away doing this training on TDY, but I did not realize how hard it is for him too. He explained it to me once and I was surprised. He finds it harder to concentrate when we are around. It’s hard to keep a two year old quiet and I am sure both of us can be distracting. He also finds it hard because since he is home he wants to spend time with us. He feels bad, but his schoolwork and training has to come first. Sometimes if he has time he will still spend time with me before bed, but that’s not always the case.
So why am I telling you all this? So you can feel sorry for me? Not at all! His training will be done in a week and half and hopefully things will go back to normal. I am sharing this so I can give you some tips on how to deal when your husband’s training is at home. I am still learning a lot of these so please keep in mind I am talking to myself, not just you!
Change Your Attitude.
When my husband first started his training and I realized things were going to be different for a little while I was upset. I wanted his attention and I needed to de-stress at the end of the day too. I was angry that he had to do homework all night and that he sometimes had weekend duty. Then I realized this wasn’t his fault. This was something he needed to do, and he was working hard at it too! He needed my encouragement and the best thing I could do was support him and realize that this was only going to be for a little while and not forever. My change of attitude helped me be more understanding
Give Him Space.
I don’t know if it’s the same for other stay-at-home moms, but when my husband walks through the door, I want to talk. I have been at home all day with a toddler (who doesn’t talk) and I want to tell him about my day. My husband is just the opposite. He has been out all day. He has been talking, learning, and listening all day. All he wants is a few minutes to unwind – a few minutes of peace and quiet. I was told giving him a few minutes of space will help him be more available to me later. Let his mind rest, and he will be in a better mood and want to listen to you later.
Change Your Schedule.
I’ve noticed that sometimes our schedule needs to change to fit in with my husband’s needs during training times. Sometimes that means dinner is a little earlier or later than usual, or if I need to go out then I try to plan accordingly to what my husband’s schedule is that day. Changing your schedule may be a pain, but remember it’s only for a short time during his training!
Be Understanding and Patient
This one is probably the hardest,but also the most important. It is especially hard if the training is for a long period of time. It’s ok to want it to be over, but keep in mind that if your husband is extra tired or grumpy that there is a reason for it. Try to be patient, kind and understanding. He will appreciate it and things will go much smoother at home!
What about YOU? Has your spouse ever had training that he didn’t leave to go TDY for? How did you help and support him? What parts were the most frustrating?
For two months this summer (about 11 weeks), Russ worked 60 hours a week. He left the house when I was still asleep (about 0520) and didn’t get home until 6:30 at night. It’s slightly different because he wasn’t in training and didn’t have homework, so we could spend the evenings after bedtime together, but it was very hard on both of us. We had very little time to connect and were both exhausted all the time. Ezra was loud and rowdy every night and I was just tired of dealing with him by the time Russ got home, but he needed a break too. There were moments where we both felt despondent and like our marriage was REALLY suffering. We both had a bad attitude about it because it wasn’t accomplishing anything…it was just extra duty for no other reason than that it had to be done and they picked him to do it. But, it’s over, and looking back, it wasn’t THAT bad. The tips you have lined out here are AWESOME and very helpful!!!!
I remember that Aprille, I prayed for you during that time, because it’s always hard when they work extra hours. Sounds very similar to what we’ve been through this past month. I definitely know about the bad attitude thing because I had one very often, it’s hard not to. Glad you guys got through it ok, and glad these were helpful. 🙂
I agree, I find it harder when hubby is training at home, and so does he! Great tips, Kathryn!
Thanks for stopping by! 🙂
When mine does a school or a training where he will be working longer hours I just tell myself that he won’t be home until X, he won’t be able to do such and such with us and stuff like that. If my mind gets use to that then my heart doesn’t hurt as much or think about what he might be missing.
I try to tell myself that too, but sometimes it’s still hard, you know? Even thought you know he can’t you want him to be there. I know what you mean though and it’s a good idea! Thanks for commenting. 🙂
I’m a new follower to your blog. Thanks for posting about this, Kathryn. My boyfriend and I are currently not together, as he’s in school in North Carolina and I’m in Ohio until he graduates (November). But, I was informed that he’d have training/homework/etc. when we moved together in November… so this is incredibly helpful for someone that will be new to it!
Thanks for stopping by and for following! 🙂 Good luck, I am sure you are going to do well once you guys are together. As long as you learn to be patient and understanding – it’s hard, but I’m sure you will enjoy it too!
My hubs was in the police academy for three months and then had five weeks of in house training and is on his fifth week of FT. I can totally relate to the frustration of having him train while living at home…and we have a teenager and a ten year old! It’s great to have him home but I never feel like I can talk about stuff with him because I don’t want to distract him…I mean, the stuff he is learning and focusing on is life or death sometimes! Sigh…I’ll be praying for you as you continue to support him! And thank YOU for supporting him 🙂
Yup sounds very similar and I understand all those frustrations! It’s HARD! 🙂 Thankfully the end is in sight for us, and hopefully for you too. I’m so glad these things don’t last forever! Thanks for the prayers and sweet words, and thanks for stopping by! I stopped by your blog, and I think it’s really cute. Read your recent blog post about praying for boldness – it’s funny how when we pray for things God turns around and really gives it to us in the most unexpected ways! Prayers for you as well in this new area! 🙂
How wonderful that you learned from the experience and shared what you learned. What a nice gift.
Happy Sharefest. I hope you have a great weekend.
Thanks, I enjoy reaching out. I know I was once new to everything also.