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My husband has been doing Airman Leadership Training for the past month and I have realized how much harder it is to have him home when he is doing training then having him away doing training on TDY. Please don’t get me wrong, I LOVE having my husband home all the time, any time, but I didn’t realize how much “in the zone” he would be during his training this past month and how hard it would be.
Here’s a little bit how our day goes… Husband goes to training like any normal work day. He comes home for lunch, albeit a much faster lunch. He spends the rest of the day at training and then comes home exhausted. I am exhausted from dealing with my son, his therapies and special needs and I want to vent. He wants to de-stress. He wants quiet time. He also has tons of homework that he has to get done before the day ends. He quickly plays with Adam, eats dinner, and spends the rest of the night doing homework before falling into bed from exhaustion.
I keep thinking how much easier it would be for me if he was away doing this training on TDY, but I did not realize how hard it is for him too. He explained it to me once and I was surprised. He finds it harder to concentrate when we are around. It’s hard to keep a two year old quiet and I am sure both of us can be distracting. He also finds it hard because since he is home he wants to spend time with us. He feels bad, but his schoolwork and training has to come first. Sometimes if he has time he will still spend time with me before bed, but that’s not always the case.
So why am I telling you all this? So you can feel sorry for me? Not at all! His training will be done in a week and half and hopefully things will go back to normal. I am sharing this so I can give you some tips on how to deal when your husband’s training is at home. I am still learning a lot of these so please keep in mind I am talking to myself, not just you!
Change Your Attitude.
When my husband first started his training and I realized things were going to be different for a little while I was upset. I wanted his attention and I needed to de-stress at the end of the day too. I was angry that he had to do homework all night and that he sometimes had weekend duty. Then I realized this wasn’t his fault. This was something he needed to do, and he was working hard at it too! He needed my encouragement and the best thing I could do was support him and realize that this was only going to be for a little while and not forever. My change of attitude helped me be more understanding
Give Him Space.
I don’t know if it’s the same for other stay-at-home moms, but when my husband walks through the door, I want to talk. I have been at home all day with a toddler (who doesn’t talk) and I want to tell him about my day. My husband is just the opposite. He has been out all day. He has been talking, learning, and listening all day. All he wants is a few minutes to unwind – a few minutes of peace and quiet. I was told giving him a few minutes of space will help him be more available to me later. Let his mind rest, and he will be in a better mood and want to listen to you later.
Change Your Schedule.
I’ve noticed that sometimes our schedule needs to change to fit in with my husband’s needs during training times. Sometimes that means dinner is a little earlier or later than usual, or if I need to go out then I try to plan accordingly to what my husband’s schedule is that day. Changing your schedule may be a pain, but remember it’s only for a short time during his training!
Be Understanding and Patient
This one is probably the hardest,but also the most important. It is especially hard if the training is for a long period of time. It’s ok to want it to be over, but keep in mind that if your husband is extra tired or grumpy that there is a reason for it. Try to be patient, kind and understanding. He will appreciate it and things will go much smoother at home!
What about YOU? Has your spouse ever had training that he didn’t leave to go TDY for? How did you help and support him? What parts were the most frustrating?