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Oh, Baby

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Because I am still visiting with family and traveling I will be having a few more guest blog posts for your reading pleasure! Today I have Jessica from Jessica Lynn Writes. She has a wonderful post for you about being a military wife and trying for her first baby. I really loved this post because it is very similar to one I recently wrote: The Great Baby Debate. I hope you enjoy!

Hi! I’m Jessica and I ramble over at Jessica Lynn Writes. I have to admit, the post below is pretty personal and I haven’t even shared these thoughts over on my blog yet. It may sound strange, but there’s something a little bit comforting about telling complete strangers our baby-making predicament.

Before we got married my husband and I talked about all the big-ticket issues to make sure we were on the same page for everything. Since he’s in the Air Force he explained the possible situation with starting a family so I wouldn’t be blindsided later. We’re pretty blunt and realistic with each other; so he didn’t hesitate or tiptoe around his words. He flat out told me that he would probably only get to be around for the conception or the birth, but not both. Yikes. It was a pretty serious discussion, but since we were still in my early 20s at the time, I didn’t think much of it. I pushed the thought aside and figured that when we started longing for a baby he would magically be by my side the whole time.

But here I am, now in my late 20s, and we’re both yearning for a child. (Yearning isn’t a strong enough word—let’s just say that we’re drawn to babies like magnets these days, and it’s really, really hard to pull us away.) Unfortunately, that chat we had ages ago about starting a family is coming true right before our eyes. No, I’m not pregnant yet, but the military is definitely meddling with our plans.

Later this year my husband will deploy for six months, and the last time I checked, it takes nine(ish) months to grow a baby. If he wants to be home for the birth we’d have about three months (right before he leaves) to have lots and lots and lots of fun in the bedroom and pray I get pregnant. If there isn’t a bun baking in my oven by the time he leaves it’ll be a long six months until we can even think about trying again.

Three months. We ideally only have three months to try, and if we start trying any sooner than that then he’ll miss the birth. I guess now would be a good time to also mention that we recently moved to Italy, my family is literally thousands of miles away, and I’m still working on making friendships out here. Let’s just say that the thought of going through my first pregnancy in a foreign country and without family, friends-who-are-like-a-second-family, or my husband here is pretty much the scariest feeling ever. Ever.

The most ridiculous part is that deep down I know I’d be able to do it. Being a military spouse—even for a short period of time—has taught me that I am actually much stronger than I think I am. I will have support here and the friends I have will quickly become my family. “I don’t think I could do it” is a phrase I commonly hear people say to military spouses and my response is always the same: “You could do it, because you have to.” If I get pregnant and don’t have my husband by my side I wouldn’t have option, so I’d have to do it. Period. Dot. End of story.

We know there is no perfect time to have a baby—add in the military and you can forget about planning. Not to mention, we don’t even know if I can get pregnant (a whole other worry of mine). My resolution on the baby front is to “let go and let God.” I need to let go of my worries and desires to plan this out, let whatever happens, happen, and trust everything will work out. I believe in His timing and that He’ll be with me through all of this, especially if my husband is off playing in the sandbox when I need and want him the most.

With all that said, we are currently playing with baby-making fire (so to speak), and not exactly trying to prevent a pregnancy. This is a huge, crazy step for us, especially taking in all of the factors above.

So tell me, have you “been there and done that” with our situation before? 

Jessica Lynn is a twenty-something Air Force wife who’s addicted to spicy food and potato chips and absolutely detests humidity. She, along with her husband and puppy, now live in Northern Italy and are enjoying getting to know their new surroundings one sip of wine at a time. You can read about her adventures in Europe, life as an Air Force wife, good eats, getting healthy, life, love, and everything in between at Jessica Lynn Writes. (http://www.jessicalynnwrites.blogspot.com/)

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  1. We haven’t “been there and done that” yet, but I hear you on all those anxieties. You are absolutely not alone in quailing at the thought of embarking on such a major life change when the military wrests so much control from your hands. Sampson and I think we would like to have children someday, but the current situation (impending deployment, to be followed shortly by a PCS) feels too unstable for us to take that step yet. Besides, even five years into our marriage, we’re pretty darn happy being “just us.”

  2. I’ve thought a couple times that I’m not sure I could do it with regards to being away from J that long, but right you do it because you have to. I’ve applied that to many other situations in my life. We’ve toyed with the idea of moving away from where we live, away from our friends and my family, but always thought it would be good to stay because of the help we’d have here… among other reasons. I know we could do it on our own, but having them would make it easier. Anyway, in my own way I can kinda relate 🙂

  3. Great job Jess! I think being military we all struggle with timing, and everything else. I know you are a strong woman and will be able to handle it. Heck a baby is an exscuse for people to come to Italy! K missed more then 7 months of Maddy’s first year and huge chunks of both pregnancys, was I scared initially heck yea but we figured it out. We have been blessed for him to be home during births and like you said that’s all up to God 🙂 None the less, great job! And you can do it 🙂

  4. Yes! Been there and even wrote a post about it…http://soldierswifecrazylife.com/2010/01/09/babies-and-the-military-life/ With our 3rd baby it turned out that he was able to stay back a few extra months and didn’t deploy until he was 2.5 months old. It is hard. You can try to plan it all out and then the Military can change things on you. I wish you luck. It is hard to know what would be best. I think sometimes just trying for a baby and having faith everything will eventually work out might be the best thing to do. But I guess it just depends.

  5. Ugh, deployments always throw a huge kink in our lives! When Joe deployed last year, I was already in baby-fever mode. Being separated for a year didn’t help…and it really frustrated me that we didn’t even have the OPTION to try. It’s so hard trying to plan a family {or plan to START a family} around the military. We’re amazingly blessed that I got pregnant so quickly and that Joe will be here for the birth. That’s nearly unheard of in the military community. And now that I’m pregnant and he’s here….I wouldn’t have it any other way. Even if that meant I had to do that deployment and struggle through the intense baby fever all over again. Things will go as God has planned them. I pray that you’ll find it easier to trust that every day. =)

  6. I admit I’m on of those people that often say, “I don’t think I could do it.” Which is odd because I learned as a teen that “I could do anything, because I have too.” Heck! It’s how I got through college the 2nd time! I love your outlook and I know you could totally handle whatever is thrown your way. J & I have toyed with the idea of moving (I think I’m more okay with it than he is) but mostly shoot the idea down because of #1 a job & #2 our friends and family are here. I know we (mostly me b/c he’d be at work) could handle the whole things without my friends and family, but it’s so much easier not too. Anyway, I guess what I’m saying is I can relate in my own way 🙂

  7. Wow, I am so glad that you have such a wonderful support system with all of these other military wives. Even though you have their support, I know that it will be difficult for you if Kenny will not be there. But, I also know that you are a very strong woman with a strong faith in God and he will see you through. Plus, I plan to come out and stay with you if and when i am needed!

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