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I was so moved and encouraged by all the comments, emails, facebook messages, etc. I received after posting my post: “And the Recovery Goes On...” I wanted to thank everyone for reaching out to me in a time where I feel my strength is failing. Each comment, email, and message has done a little bit to renew my spirit and keep me pushing through, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
The past few weeks have been truly difficult as I seem to have good days where I just take each day one day at a time, and then I have a bad day where I am just so discouraged by everything that is happening, and I just am trying to understand it. I have started some counseling at my church to help with my irrational fears and worries, and even though it is a little embarrassing to admit, it is very helpful to be able to talk these things out, know that I am not alone, and get encouragement.
Sometimes I feel as though I am just going through the motions of each day, trying to get through the day, hoping that each day brings me closer to finding out what this is and some kind of cure. I try to keep busy, go out and do things, but it is always in the back my mind because I am so uncomfortable, and oftentimes in pain.
I was finally able to see my new PCM a week ago and it was a relief to see that she is listening to me and going to try and help me. She is not sure this is a bacterial infection because I have been on five different antibiotics and none of them have really helped. She is sure they would have if that is what it was. She ordered blood tests, and I had ten vials of blood taken. She also looked at my back at the acne I thought I had. I thought it was from all the hormones of birth, only to find out that they aren’t acne, and I need to see a dermatologist to find out what they are. I had a feeling they weren’t, so I guess they are some kind of painful sores on my back. Similar to the ones I had before. I will get a biopsy on one, and then she will go from there.
Over the labor day weekend, I had to go to the med stop because I woke up in some pretty bad pain from all this. While there, the doctor decided to check my blood sugar, to see if it was a possibility I have diabetes and it turns out my blood sugar was high. He is not sure if it is from all the medicines I have been on recently, or because I truly do have diabetes, but I will be getting checked again to make sure. While diabetes would certainly explain a lot of these things, it is something I would not want to have. I am so scared that this is something I am going to have to live with the rest of my life. I know people do it all the time, but I am just terrified of it all.
Thanks again for the prayers. I am hoping to know more by the end of this week when I see my doctor again…