Hope Amid the Struggles
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I sit here on many nights full of emotions and feelings I am not quite sure how to express. I struggle with how to best help my son, how to understand him, how to raise him, and how to do it all the right way. Everyone says to be your child’s advocate, but what if you are doing all you possibly can, and it’s still not enough?
Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed. How can I get through another day with my son? Another day full of therapy? Another day of laundry and house cleaning and worrying about money? Sometimes it’s just too much.
I get so many emails asking me, “How do you do it?” People asking for advice for their children with special needs and I sit here asking God to show me what to do. How can I give advice when I am not even sure what to do for my own son? When three different therapists are telling me three different things, and when my whole family isn’t on the same page because I am the only one able to attend all the therapies and know what’s going on.
People tell me things like, “Pretty soon he’ll never stop talking.” But I don’t tell them about the words he loses after saying them, or the guessing games we play every day trying to figure out what his needs are. They say, “He won’t always be like this.” But I don’t tell them it’s hard now. I can’t live in the future of “he won’t always be like this” because in order to get him to that point I have to do the things we are doing now. The therapies, the doctor’s appointments, the feeling alone. They say, “He’s just acting like typical boy.” But I don’t tell them about the times we can’t calm my son down because he’s so worked up or that he doesn’t play like normal children. It’s not just the traits of a typical boy being a boy, it’s so much more.
And I sit here on so many nights thinking of all the moms out there who are struggling like me. Struggling with all that you have on your plate, struggling to know what your child needs and what is best for them. You’re not alone. Somehow we’ll make it through this. There is always hope.
And that is why I share this… My hope amid all the struggles we’ve been going through happened a few weeks ago when my son ate some foods that he has never eaten before. Textures and tastes that he would never touch or eat. It was such a huge victory for us, and brought so much hope for our hearts. A year and a half ago my son was only 3% for weight. He wasn’t gaining and he wasn’t eating barely enough to get by.
Several therapists and over a year later we have hit many small victories, but this one was the best. Moms, I know it’s hard when it seems like nothing is changing in therapy. I know how discouraging it seems when nothing is happening. I know what it is like to question if you are doing the right thing in your child’s therapist or if you should try someone or something else.
I ask that you hold out. Pray and hold out. Ask God to show you which therapists are the best, and wait patiently for the results. They will come.
What if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
What if our blessings come through our STRUGGLES? What if these STRUGGLES are His Mercies in disguise?
This is a video taken by my son’s therapist at feeding therapy. This is just a little look into what feeding therapy is like and what ever meal time is like for us. In this video my son eats an entire piece of pumpkin bread (what we call muffin). If you know our story that is HUGE, the biggest improvement we’ve ever had! Thank you all for your continued prayers as we hope and pray Adam continues to eat new foods.
It was great to hear he is trying new things, that is hope! I’m sure that helps during the more frustrating moments.
Yes it is! Thanks for commenting!
I haven’t been following your blog for long, but I saw this post yesterday afternoon and couldn’t stop thinking about it. Even this morning as I was getting ready I was thinking of you and began to pray for your family. : ) I know you don’t know me, but God kept putting you in my mind today so I took that as a sign to pray.
Thank you SO much for this comment and you encouragement. It really means a lot to me.
This literally took the thoughts right out of my head tonight. We have twin three year old sons, both with autism, totally non verbal. I’m overwhelmed and weary. So full of emotions, yet too tired to even bother stringing a sentence together. 🙂 And if I were to try to explain my thoughts, feelings and such, I’m quite confident that I would be a blubbering mess. Often, trying to explain things to someone else is difficult enough. You can feel very alone. But Truth tells me otherwise…I’m not alone….it feels really, very good, to be carried. There’s no way I can pull these days off on my own. My only source of strength is God Himself. He will never leave me nor forsake me. And He doesn’t need me to string a coherent, dry-eyed sentence together when I talk to Him. 🙂
Blessed to stumble across your blog tonight. Thanks!
I have been where you are so many times I have lost count. Prayers for you tonight for grace, peace and God’s help to see you through. Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting. If you get the chance, stop by and visit http://not-alone.org. It’s a website of encouragement for special needs parents. I hope that it will help you!
Word for word ,I feel the same way everyday ,I’m a single mom ,my son has autism ,apraxia ,and spd .I have the same worries and thoughts. What you wrote ,hit my heart.Thank you for sharing this .
Prayers to everyone 🙂
Thank you so much for your encouragement. I am raising a 3 yo son with autism, SPD, and ADHD. It’s only been 3 months since we got diagnosed. It’s been a whirlwind of appts, phone calls and so many times my emotions get put on hold. I spend so much time managing behaviors that I really don’t have time to connect with other moms or do the necessary research to understand him. I’m so grateful for your words which validates a lot of my struggles… I know he will get better and adapt… But life right now is hard and sometimes sucks… Thank you for breaking down some of my felt isolation.