I Was a Judgemental Mom Too

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It’s okay, I get it.

You’re not a mom yet and you think you know how parenting works. Or maybe you’re a new mom and you already know exactly how you will raise your new darling.

I was the same way.

I was that person before I was a mom. I was a nanny for ten years and I thought I knew everything there was to know about parenting. I knew exactly how I was going to raise my children even before I had them.

I was the person who judged other moms in the store or at a restaurant. If I saw a child throwing a tantrum or having a meltdown, I would think that those children must not be disciplined enough, or the parents weren’t strict enough. Sadly, I looked down on those people.

Then I got pregnant. I read books and I knew exactly what I wanted to do and how I wanted to raise my child. After all, I had been a nanny and watched many many kids over the years. How hard could it be?

As I got closer to my son’s birthdate, I begin to realize that there were many many people who also had strong opinions about parenting and how to parent. While many I agreed with, there were many more I did not agree with. I really did think I knew it all.

And then I had my son. And everything changed. Nothing was the way it was supposed to be. Not the birth, and certainly not raising him.

When at the age of two my son was diagnosed with autism, any leftover thoughts about my parenting plan went out the door. It was like I was learning everything all over again.

Each time he had a meltdown in a store, every time we tried to implement a stricter plan and it didn’t work, I felt bad for past judgements I had made on other moms. Having a child with special needs did not fit into my plan, and now I was the one being judged.

Then I had my second child, a beautiful baby girl. I had prayed that this time it would be easier, but God has a sense of humor. This time, I was even more lost. Lost in medical complexities, hospital stays, and surgeries.

I Was Done Being a Judgemental Mom…

By this point, I was done judging other people’s parenting. I realized that everyone struggles. That no parent is perfect.

Are there bad parents out there? Yes. However, it is not my job to decide who they are based on their child’s behavior. Instead, it’s my job to meet them where they are. To have compassion for their struggles. Because, after all, I am struggling too.

I’m not perfect. I still struggle with impulsive judgements at times. But I get it now. No mom is perfect and no mom ever will be. So if you’re a judgemental mom, think about each parent’s private struggle. Do you know what it is? Don’t be a judgemental mom like I was. Be a compassionate mom.