I’m Not a Crunchy Mom and That’s Okay With Me
Note: I may earn money or products from the companies, products, or links mentioned in this post.
Yup, you read the title and that’s right. Although it has become increasingly popular to be a “crunchy” mom, I am just not that person. I vaccinate my kids, I don’t attachment parent, I don’t cloth diaper, I don’t co-sleep with my kids, I am not into baby wearing, and I don’t eat organic food.
Do I believe any of the above things are wrong?  No, it’s more that I don’t believe that they are right for my family, and I chose a different way of parenting than the modern, mainstream mother. According to this article I am what is referred to as “silky”:
“A mother who prefers medicated hospital birth, bottle feeding/part time breastfeeding, uses rice cereals, disposable diapers, crib sleeping, is pro-circumcising, pro-vaccinating, mostly stroller using and one who closely follows the advice of established medical authority. Silky moms often tend to be moms who use sleep training methods like âCIOâ (cry it out) & rely on modern products for convenience.”
That’s pretty much me in a nutshell. And while I have lots of friends who are crunchy and I love them dearly, it is becoming increasingly hard for me to post about things that are important to me because so many crunchy moms are either against them or they just don’t understand. I have very few friends I can call up and ask for advice, not because I don’t trust them, but because our methods are so different I doubt we would ever agree.
Yes, I put my kids to sleep in their cribs, and yes I use a stroller to push them around in, and no I don’t make my own baby food, but I love my kids so much and to me that’s all that matters. Just because I don’t wear my baby all the time, or serve organic food to my family doesn’t mean I don’t care or don’t love them. It just means I found a balance that works for me and my family.
So next time you see a mom who chooses to vaccinate or who chooses not to baby wear or doesn’t make her own food. Don’t judge. Get to know her and find out why she chooses not to do these things. It just might be that she might have a thing or two you can learn from too!
Oh this is refreshing! While I have many great friends who are super-crunchy, it makes me weary to feel like i have to defend my choices. ( I don’t always defend – just feel like I should!) I am a weird clone between crunchy and silky. I use cloth diapers, put baby to bed in the crib, don’t vaccinate but never baby-wear, etc. It is truly what works for each mommy. I try to remember to have grace for others like I want them to have with me. đ
Kay,
So glad you enjoyed this! Yes, I always feel like I have to defend my choices as well. What works for us may not work for someone else, so let’s all just get along lol. I love that you used the word, “grace” that truly is what all moms need. Thanks for commenting!
I think this is a serious issue less about crunchy vs silky, & it’s really more about mothers not supporting other mothers. There are some very vicious & cruel words coming from both camps, mothers quick to judge the other side, and while this is a great post, it’s something that is interchangeable for BOTH sides. It’s not about a point of view, it’s about wanting to learn from each other & not cutting ties or using extreme judgement on someone with polar opposite views. Motherhood is amazing, and we all need to stop picking apart each other’s parenting styles & start showing love & support to each other – the world would be a much better place!
Rachel,
I agree a lot of people say some pretty mean words out there, me being at the vicious end of some of them. I think it’s okay to have your own way and convictions about parenting, but there is no need to push those on other families and friends. People can have different methods and still be friends, I know because I have a very crunchy friend, and I love her to death! Do we parent differently? Yup! Do we still have playdates and get together as often as we can? You bet! It’s all in perspective. Thanks for the comment and stopping by. đ
I am not a Mom yet, but I have certain things in mind I want to do for my family. I just wanted to say I am thankful that even though I am against vaccines, prefer organic food, to use cloth diapers, and make to my baby’s food that is just what I feel is best for MY family not yours. So I am thanking you, that even though we don’t “agree” that you get it! You are not judging ME for choices we make concerning our family, and we don’t judge yours! As I tell everyone who doesn’t like what we’ve chosen, “Our path is not yours, and yours is not ours” It is just that simple. So from this somewhat “Crunchy” gal – thank you for not judging us and making this post.
Blessings & Merry Christmas!
Megan,
Beautifully said! I have had a lot of crunchy people judge me for my decisions and so it’s been hard. I decided to write this post in an effort to explain a little of what I do and why. I’m so thankful that you choose not to judge as well, it’s so appreciated. I wish you and you family the best, Merry Christmas!
I found this on Facebook as I’m preparing to make my own homemade vapo rub. lol I’m not totally crunchy, and I’m not totally silky. I’m a very happy medium. I get and enjoy both sides. I appreciate this post so much. Thank you đ
So glad you enjoyed it! Good luck on the vapor rub! đ
LOVE this! I’m so glad to read this. đ
So glad! Thanks for commenting!
I’m somewhere in the middle–there are a lot of areas where I fall in line with the crunchy camp and then there are others where I don’t. I used to feel that this made me a “nicheless” blogger, until finally a friend reminded me that most moms really fall somewhere in the middle too. So I’m going to keep writing about the choices my family makes and not worry (too much!) about receiving judgment from the other side. But the longer I parent, the more I realize that it’s important that we pick and choose and determine what is best for our family–what works for others may not work for us. It’s really more important as moms to support each other in our choices rather than push our views on others. I’m glad you wrote this!
Love this Gabrielle, and I am glad that you have found your place in blogging about what works for you! To be honest in the past I have blogged about certain parenting decisions and did receive a lot of judgement and mean comments from it including one that was an abusive parent, which is certainly not true. I think that we all need to have our own parenting choices and convictions, but definitely need to lay off the judgement especially in the blogosphere. If someone doesn’t like what someone else is doing oh well, move on, no need to leave nasty comments. Anyways I agree with what you said and thought it was well said. Thanks for commenting! đ
I can totally relate! I’m in the middle between crunchy and silky (I breastfeed, use a “flexible feeding schedule”, babywear, use a crib, no cloth diapers, try to eat organic, make my own baby food and vaccinate) but I have a few friends who consistently spout that it’s still not enough. I get that we all parent differently and I have no problems with my friends who are crunchy or silky but I do feel like I get more heat from the outspoken crunchy moms. One of my friends truly believes I am “misinformed” or “haven’t really thought it through” because Christian parents shouldn’t spank (or use timeouts – and obviously this applies to older children), we should all breastfeed, babywear, co-sleep, on demand feed, not circumcise boys, etc. When we kind of got into a debate about it, I told her I thought she was a wonderful mom and would hope she could say the same about me even though we disagree about parenting styles… but she couldn’t. I really love her and it makes me sad that she can’t see beyond her own convictions. You do what is right for your family. To me, all that matters is that your children are healthy, happy and well loved.
Mandi,
I have to say I agree. I have felt in the past that there is a lo more heat from crunchy moms… maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s because it’s becoming so popular and the “way” to do things nowadays. I have had a few people like this in my life as well and it has really hurt because of what they have said to me. I’m sorry you friend is like this, I hope that eventually she can see past what she believes is right for her family and see that you are a great mom too! I know I only met you in person once Mandi, but your little girl is precious and I think you are going to be a wonderful mom to two now too! Love you girl!
Oh girl. I totally am all for every Mama doing what is best for her family and her babies. I am definetly crunchy but I was raised crunchy. It fits who I am and the way I was raised. Do I do things differently than my Mama did yes of course but it is because it is what works for my family. WAY to go for doing it your way. I think what we need to do as Mamas and Women is to support each other and love each other for exactly who we are. I love my Crunchy Mamas and seek their advice and I love my Traditional Mamas and seek their advice. Hugs to you and on your journey of parenting two đ
I agree. I do some things like the way I was raised and some I do differently. It just depends on what works for us as a family. Support from everyone is definitely what we need, thanks for YOUR support! đ
This was actually really interesting! For one, I didn’t know that half of those things were considered “crunchy.” I don’t know why, but they never crossed my mind. On that note, I do several of them, but definitely didn’t consider myself crunchy! I breastfeed because it’s what (now) works for us. I baby wear sometimes because…I don’t know why, I just do; I sometimes make our own food, and we did us a method other than CIO for sleep training. I guess I always figured the “crunchy” term was for moms who were a total free spirit (those who breastfeed until they’re in middle school, for example). Very interesting! It was also interesting to read all of the comments!
I guess I just have a lot of friends who are crunchy so I started learning more and more about it. Otherwise I wouldn’t have known either! Glad you found it interesting, sounds like you are a mix between the two! đ
I think you’re awesome for being honest about this! It gets really tiring to hear about only doing things one way and being wrong if you do them differently. I do a few of these things but can’t identify with most crunchy moms because of all the harsh judgement I see. I think feeding and clothing and loving our babies is what’s important. Not*how* we do it.
I will be honest, it took me awhile to come out with it I was a little afraid everyone would be like *gasp* “You don’t do those things??” lol But glad everyone is being understanding. I have to agree I have received seen harsh judgement from a lot of crunchy moms, so it’s hard for me to want to be like that. But you are right feeding, clothing, and loving our babies is what’s best. đ
Thank you so much for your post it makes me feel like I’m not being crap mom for not being the all natural mother. I’m still new to this mom thing I’m the only one of my friends that have a baby so I have to rely on blogs and such for my questions. The other mothers I have been introduced to are uber crunchy and there is nothing wrong with it but it is not for me. My son is almost two months and seems to be doing fantastic. I do everything you do and he is developing at a rapid rate as his pediatrician says. So again thanks for being “silky” đ
Melissa,
Thank you so much for commenting! Good for you for doing your own thing and not getting into all the “mommy wars” that is easy to fall into when you are a new mom. Sounds like your little one is doing just great and that you are a great mommy. Thanks for sharing!
I never made my own baby food either. I wouldn’t have had time for it even if I wanted to.
The problem ‘crunchy’ mom have with CIO and circumcision, is that both are proven to be harmful and can be considered abusive. I’m not a crunchy mom, IMO. I do what is coming naturally to me. I was AP before AP was cool, I guess. I do think that some moms could lighten up and we could hear less Pinterest ideas and how cloth is the only way to go or we’re poisoning our babies bottoms, but when it comes to mainstream abusive practices, moms DO need to speak out against them. Calling it a parenting style to defend, is not okay.
This is the sort of black and white guilt laden response that I believe Elizabeth is addressing. I have done hours of research from many points of view on night time parenting and there are many definitions of what CIO means. The Ferber method is one version that is much more complex than shutting a baby up in her crib and closing the door till she passes out crying. I’m not looking for a debate on the issues. My point is there are many shades and complexities to these methods and they require thought and consideration before being automatically labeled as “abusive.” Calling a parenting practice abusive is the most hurtful kind of judgment you could ever make to a mother and it shouldn’t be thrown out lightly.
Agreed. Well said!
this crunchy business is all new to me, in that i did not know such a word was in use for the meaning it has until a few days ago. and as it is, i am a super extra crunchy kinda guy. i am beyond crunchy no doubt. my family eats almost all raw fruits veggies seeds nuts, tons of ‘super foods’ home made probiotic coconut water kiefer, all organic clothing, no vaccines, no medical doctors EVER, both kids unassisted home births, kids have never had a drop of hfcs, refined sugar, fake dyes, artificial or the fake ‘natural’ flavors, which are also just as synthetic as the artificial ones, we dont use any chemical skin care products(we make our own as a matter of fact!, as well as our own toothpaste!), no dont own a tv, we dont watch any form of tv, we dont watch movies, we dont watch the fake tv news! and although, i agree, live and let live, to me, people like you, are the major problem in the world today. YOU WANT them to spray all kinds of nasty chemical fertilizers, herbicides, fungicides, pesticides, etc all over the land to grown your gmo ‘food’. that is them further processed with more chemicals and boxed up and shipped out so you can buy it. its a toxic process, and you do not have the right to do that to the land, nobody does. people like you want all the things that crunchy people dont want, you want do destroy the environment, you want to eat weird mass slaughtered antibiotic laden meat, milk, eggs, cheese, etc. of course your husbands in the military! thats part of the whole deal. killing innocents! lol. people like you make me sick. so compassionate for the very planet that gives you life, and so supportive of a tyrannical government. i would never let my kids play with your kids, or any one like you.. you could only bring them down. they are far more aware of reality and what is the basic truth of right living than you ever will be.
Elizabeth the comment above just proved your point.
You have the option to pack up your homemade toothpaste and move thanks to the military and the tyrant government that allows you those freedoms. I can’t speak for everyone but I’m sure most people wouldn’t want you kids playing with their kids if yours are anything like you. I want my daughter to be tolerant of others and not be a judgmental dick who feels the need to be little others who don’t share their same views.
As long as the children are not being abused, we should be supporting other moms. I am so far from “crunchy”, I’m pretty old-school about parenting. Yet, my child is loved, loving, imaginative and very polite for a 20 mo. old. I use to get upset or even embarrassed about my mothering skills, until my loving husband told me, “Do not let anyone tell you how to raise your child”. So I love this post about being okay about not being a “crunchy mom” and can definitely relate.
Please never make a fellow mother feel bad or ashamed of how they are raising their children. All children are different, shouldn’t each mother differ as well?
I hate the term crunchy and silky makes me want to gag even more. It is the typical American theme of choosing sides so that there will for ever be a polarization of every possible social group. If your friends make you feel bad or insecure for your parental choices then either your friends suck royal or you are insecure about your choices or lifestyle. I get where you are trying to come from, but I think this article just validates the her verses me mentality in a passive aggressive way the wants to be sincere.
While I appreciate the sentiment of the live and let live mentality, the fact that you seem to support people’s “right” not to vaccinate their children makes me quite ill…ill in much the same way that the whooping cough I’m going to get from some unvaccinated 2 year old who’s mom believed some BS, falsified, and THOROUGHLY debunked study championed by a former Playboy bunny with even less brains than talent. Sorry folks, but YOUR rights end where MINE begin…and I have a right NOT to die from childhood diseases that were damn near eradicated in western society 2 decades ago. Sorry, but THIS is not an area of discussion in which we should be “agreeing to disagree”. You fail to vaccinate your children, keep the HELL away from me…and the rest of society while you’re at it.
This was written quite some time ago, and it was never meant to say I support not-vaccinators, because I don’t and I never will. All my kids are vaccinated and I agree with everything you say above.
I think it’s great that you have found the balance that works for you and your family and are comfortable in your own decisions. Hope you find the community you need that loves and supports you in your choices!
Thank you so much. I have found a few like me and it’s nice. Thanks for commenting!